StarMeKitten69

Major Update

2006-01-31T10:39:00.000+02:00

So it's been a fairly long time since I've updated this blog. The reason for that has been that John has been perfectly capable of disseminating the news to everyone himself, and therefore my services have not been needed. But now that he is back in Cape Town, I thought I'd update y'all....

Firstly, John and AJ were home for Christmas! John has been looking surprisingly good, under the circumstances. His friends (Chris, Ryan, Josh 'n Shan) have been visiting him virtually constantly. I sometimes wonder when he finds the time to sleep! He's been in good spirits. Christmas was nice, with the family gathered around a gold spray painted fake tree (don't ask). We have pictures somewhere, but I'm not sure where...

Then John had to go in for his next block of The Orange Bag Of Poison. It took a while to get authorisation from the medical aid, but it finally came through and he could have it. They did blood tests before, and it turned out that his WBC was in the region of 7. This was great news as normal is considered to be 7-11. Having the chemo was a bit of a change though, as he went to the Border Oncology Unit at St Dom's. He had it through a needle in his hand. He had it for three days. He had to chill at home to recover, which is not a difficult task considering he has Midgard and uncapped wireless....

AJ and John had to go back to Cape Town for more tests. We took them to the airport on Sunday, and they are flying back today. They're staying with the Bailey's. The news wasn't as good as we hoped. John started feeling very tired on Friday, and we had notched it up to nerves about the test results. But the doctors in Cape Town picked it up, and it turns out he has an infection, from an abscess(sp?) in his mouth. So AJ phoned Granny, who made a dentist appointment for John on Wednesday morning.

The blood counts were significantly lower. His WBC has dropped to 1.7... The doctor said this was expected though. Basically, when John has chemo his blood counts drop drastically, and then build up slowly. They then spike. I think they must have taken the 7 count as it was spiking... I think it was a bit of a shock, as John had been talking about how he had had leukemia, but was now over it. He's definitely still in the process of getting over it. It turns out that the process could be quite long... The doctor has tentatively said that he will be having chemo on and off for two years, which is quite a bit longer than expected.

John then went to have the bone marrow biopsy(sp?) done. They gave him the option of having it in the chest or spine, and he chose the chest. Apparently it's less uncomfortable. They gave him a local anaesthetic and put up a curtain so he couldn't see what was happening. When he got back to the Bailey's yesterday he crashed out on the bed. The doctors will phone in a week's time with the results of the bone marrow.

:))))))

2005-12-15T13:07:00.000+02:00

I'm back!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, well it's only enough for a single post, but I guess it's better than nothing. So much has happened since my last post.....

Firstly, John finished the block of the Orange Bag Of Poison and it went much better than the previous time around.

Laura and her digsmates went to visit John. As far as I can tell, it was Lau, James, Mutsa and Minoshni. I apologise to those I misspelt. John didn't know that his digsmates were coming, so it was a big surprise and apparently he was really really happy to see them. They did it quite nicely, giving him time to sleep and recover from the chemo, but also being there and hanging out. They also helped AJ, and pretty much made supper and provided dessert for them all on the first day they were there. Lau stayed with AJ & J, while the others booked into Timour Hall, which is apparently quite huge. In between visiting John, they went to the V&A, a wine farm etc. They also took AJ shopping. And they took John for a long drive all the way to Camps Bay, and drove him around the UCT campus. It was the first time he's been out for a while, and hadn't seen anything of Cape Town, so he really enjoyed it. Lau stayed on, and I'm sure she's been a great addition...

Lynne from the library arrived on Sunday at around noon. AJ said it was so nice to be able to go out and chat with her and Janet Bailey :)

Then, the tests on Tuesday went well. They had been waiting for his WBC to drop, and it had, and nicely, not too low. It was around 3.7 :) They were a bit concerned about his liver function, but it should sort itself out by Monday. And the best news of all, he's going home! It's official! He's able to fly, so we went and booked tickets on SAA for all three of them. IIRC, they're landing in EL at about 6:30 on Monday :)))))) I was thinking it might be nice for everyone who wants to see them to meet them at the airport. The thing is, he's probably gonna be quite kished from the flying and the j-line removal op that morning, so being there to greet and then letting them go home and rest, unpack etc on their own might be the best way to do it. The family are planning on going in two cars. I'm pondering whether I can get helium balloons into the car with whichever family members I will be transporting....

One of John's other professors visited him yesterday afternoon. As always, visitors are great entertainment :) Yesterday evening the j-line came loose. Again. So they trotted off to the hospital (John made it all the way!) and got it fixed. The nurses gave AJ extra dressings for it, so if it happens again she can fix it herself. They've also had tons of medicine to get in preparation for going home :)

They're going to be here for quite a while. John's going to have a block of the Orange Bag Of Poison here, and then they'll go back to Cape Town to be there for the 30th of January. The doctors are going to do another lumbar puncture (test of the spinal fluid, they did one when he first arrived), and cytogenetics. From what I understand, the spinal fluid test is quite important, as it determines whether there are any Dread Disease cells lurking in the central nervous system or the brain. Apparently cytogenetics is harvesting healthy bone marrow, so it will be available if there is a relapse. But I'm not too sure if I have that right. Here's a link about genetics and the Dread Disease. I have no idea how long this will take at this stage, but I'm sure we'll find out. They're home for Xmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday's News

2005-12-09T11:40:00.000+02:00

Yay! The taking of the Orange Bag Of Poison is over for now! Recovery is next on the list. They spoke to the doctor, and he said he was very happy with the counts. He said that they need to wait for the white blood cell count to drop, and then rise again next. John has to go in for a batch of tests again on Tuesday, and depending on the results will be able to come home probably at the end of the week! W00000000000T! I'm so happy! :))))) If the WBC hasn't done the necessary, they'll probably stay on for a week, but after that it will defininitely be home, in time for Christmas :))))

Lau is travelling down for the weekend (AFAIK, she might stay longer). My mom phoned Helen and Gary to check that they would be ok for transporting John & AJ, and they said that the timing actually works out well for them as they both finish work on Thursday next week, and will therefore be free to go and get 'em as soon as AJ calls :)

John will have to go back to Cape Town for a bone marrow test towards the end of January. This means that they'll have about a month in EL (I'm not telling Mariette this!). They'll have to go down to check if they have got the Dread Disease into remission. Then he'll have another block of the Orange Bag of Poison, down there. I'm actually quite glad about this. Although I'd love John to be in EL, the haematology dept at Constantiaberg Medi-Clinic is internationally renowned and St Dom's just can't compete. I'm so glad he'll be getting the best possible care. I think AJ is going to keep the flat on in the meantime, as we don't know the details of their being in Cape Town later. John may be an outpatient again, and we don't know for sure how long they'll be there. But it's good to know that they'll possibly be able to leave some of their stuff there (like all the cleaning things etc), and that they'll have a super-clean and quiet place to stay in while they're there.

Just a note on John being in EL.

We have to be smart about this. Although I'm sure everyone wants to see him, it would be better to have one or possibly two visitors at a time, rather than 10 or 15. AFAIK it's a bad idea to have smoke around him. And no-one who is sick should get anywhere near him! His immune system is lower than "normal" and won't be able to fight back as effectively as before.

The house has to be super-clean, and I know that Granny has been working her butt off to get it into shape. She's disinfected, washed, and scrubbed everything, and packed those things she couldn't clean into plastic boxes that can be cleaned easily. She's shampooed the carpets. No-one has forced her to do this - it's been a labour of love for her. Like everyone, she wants to help and there isn't a lot she can do. But she could get the place in order, and so she's ploughed her love into doing that. Hopefully AJ will get the maid to come more often to keep the house as spotless as possible. It's a big house, and with five people in it....

sniff

2005-12-08T13:13:00.000+02:00

I've just realised that tomorrow is my last day at work. Which means that I shalt no longer have ein internet connection. Which means that I shalt no longer be able to blog :(((((

I'll have to come up with a cunning plan. Perhaps I should Build A Machine.... Perhaps Lau can take over the blogging while she's in Cape Town....

In the meantime, I'll cheer myself up by playing with FluoresStar, my Acara.

New Pics

2005-12-08T11:24:00.000+02:00

My mom received a batch of new pics from AJ yesterday. She should be forwarding them on to Prof Wells soon, and they'll be up on 38/johenius (link is thataway <------- ) shortly.

Also, my brother is flying back from Cape Town to holiday in EL. He left making arrangements so late that he was unable to get a plane ticket to EL, but did get one for PE. So my mom and I will be going down to fetch him on Wednesday, and then on the way back we'll stop at the flat in Grahamstown and collect the last of John's things. Midgard will be ready and waiting when John gets back to EL :)))

Wednesday's News

2005-12-08T11:09:00.000+02:00

So the third Orange Bag Of Poison was sent into the system yesterday. John walked both to and from the hospital! I think this is amazing. I'm so proud. They took it slowly and stopped for rests along the way, and he made it all the way home on his own steam :))) He was pretty tired after that (as can be expected!), and went to sleep when they got home. AJ woke him for lunch and supper. Another thing that has improved this time around is his eating - he's eating a lot more, and this I'm sure makes him feel better and gives him more energy :) The anti-nausea medication also seems to be working better - he's felt queasy but hasn't been getting sick :) So tomorrow's the last of this block, and then we're into recovery time. I'm not too sure when the next batch of tests will be, but it will probably be either tomorrow or on Monday.

His hair has kind of come out in clumps. So in some areas he's been bald, and in others he has still had his hair. But there has been some regrowth, and AJ says his new hair is black! So I guess he's looking all piratey and blackbearded :) Maybe I should send down an eyepatch for him..... LOL! Lau, John & I have been pirate fans ever since we started playing The Secret Of Monkey Island together a billion years ago. In fact, if you check out John's blog you'll notice that his second last entry was about International Talk Like A Pirate Day :)

Back in EL, we've been preparing a parcel for Lynne Woods to take down. I'm getting some movies and games together, and John requested codecs as he didn't have any and hadn't been able to watch the anime Dom had sent down. I'm just sticking everything I think would help into a spindle. I'm not sure how his eyes will be, but even if they get bad they will improve again and it will give him something to do. And even if he can't do it, maybe it will amuse Laura. I've also written a CD full of mp3's, and am sending down my collection of Queen for AJ.

P.S. This would be a really good time to send messages of encouragement and support....

Tuesday's News

2005-12-07T10:23:00.000+02:00

The taking of the Orange Bag of Poison went quicker yesterday, as they didn't have to get the j-line flushed etc. John walked back from the hospital, but the effects of the Orange Bag of Poison were starting to show, and he was very tired afterwards. He spent most of the afternoon and evening sleeping. He did watch Survivor with AJ, tho. He mentioned that his eyes were starting to get sensitive to the glare again.

They were planning on walking to the hospital this morning, but taking things slowly and resting along the way. Rev Bailey was on standby if they did need a lift, however.

The op to remove the j-line is quite minor. Prof Du Toit will do it, and it only takes about 20 mins. After it's removed the risk of infection will be high again, so that will mean being Careful And Clean.

Lau sent most of John's things down from Grahamstown, and her friend was able to drop them off at the house, which was nice. We're trying to find out where Midgard is though, as I'm sure John will want it (him? her?) when he gets back.

Monday's News

2005-12-06T10:25:00.000+02:00

I've heard at least 4 different accounts of what happened yesterday, and they all differ somewhat. I'm trying to piece them together to get a picture of what happened and what the doctor said, but I can't be sure it's accurate. Hopefully John and AJ will be able to correct the account if I get it wrong. Also, chemo shall henceforth be known as "The Orange Bag Of Poison".

They went in for The Orange Bag Of Poison, and got the great test results I posted yesterday. The nurse offered John lunch, and AJ said that he was on a low macrobial diet, but she checked the counts and said that with those high counts he could eat normally :) The counts are going to be knocked down by the The Orange Bag Of Poison though, but then they'll rebuild again as they have. So during this period he's probably sticking to the low macrobial thing... The Orange Bag Of Poison seems to have gone down well (not that it's something you'd ever particularly enjoy, but in relation to the way it could have gone), and John walked home from the hospital :) He phoned me from home at about 13:00, so it was The Orange Bag Of Poison has been absorbed by then. He have a lie-down in the afternoon.

John and AJ did speak to the doctor. AJ asked him what the best case scenario was, and he said that it was that John would be home for Christmas, and that they could continue taking The Orange Bag Of Poison in East London :)))) This is where it gets particularly confusing though, as some accounts have rated this as an almost certainty, and others have rated it as a slight possibility. I don't know. What I do know is that it will depend on how this block of Orange Bag Of Poison taking goes, and what the results from the tests they will take later will be. Some accounts say that if they do continue the Orange Bag Of Poison taking in East London, it will be done orally, and therefore John would have to have an op in Cape Town to remove the J-line before this happens. It is definite though that he will be having more of The Orange Bag Of Poison. When/if they are in East London for The Orange Bag Of Poison, they will have to travel down to Cape Town for checks frequently.

John says he's missing Midgard (his pc!) :)

A Link

2005-12-05T12:31:00.000+02:00

This is the best website we've found about acute promyelocytic leukemia. It's quite comprehensive, and is written in user-friendly language. It was authored by a medical institution in the UK, and is meant for those who have just been diagnosed. Also, it is important to note that the stats given are NOT John's specific stats. As the website points out, John's youth and lack of other medical conditions means that his specific stats would be higher. The various websites we've been to seem to have a range of different stats, but for us the most important one is John's specific case....

About blood cells
A significantly more technical site

News of the Weekend and Today

2005-12-05T09:59:00.000+02:00

On Friday, when they went to flush the J-line they found that the infection had cleared :) This means that they'll be starting chemo as planned today.

Over the weekend AJ had gone shopping with Janet Bailey, and had found some lovely skirts. John had gone for a walk by himself. And of course they ate well :)

For the chemo today, they're not sure how long it will take. They had to go in at 9, but then they still had to book in, flush the J-line, do tests, and wait for the pharmacy to mix the chemo. Apparently it can't be left, but needs to be used as soon as its made, which means they can't mix it ahead of time.

I got an sms from John with test results.

WBC: 4.71
PLT: 293
Haemoglobin: 11.2
Neutrafills: 71.7%

The white blood cell count has come up nicely :) The platelets are down a little, but still pretty close to "normal". The haemoglobin is now in the normal range, I think. This also means that John is feeling good. The neutrafills are up, and this is really good because it's a measure of the immune system, and means that John is significantly less likely to get sick, and therefore is also able to be an outpatient and to be around people.

But that's *my own* interpretation of the results though, so the doctors and AJ and John will be able to shed more light on the matter. However, the important thing for now is that the counts are high and rising, and that he's in a good position to start chemo and will have fewer and lesser side effects. W00t!

Laura is going down to Grahamstown on Friday, and Lynne from the library is going down around that time too. Visitors do seem to perk them up, so it's a good thing and something to look forward to :)

Thursday & Friday

2005-12-02T17:03:00.000+02:00

Not much news. My mom didn't phone AJ, as we kind of need to cut down on the phone bill.

John got online again yesterday, and posted on his blog. There's a link over there <-----

John was scheduled to go in and have the j-line flushed this morning. I presume that went fine, as no SMSes were received to the contrary.

John & AJ went walking again today - for over an hour and a half! I can see much fitness in their future!

Lynn @ the library spoke to AJ. AJ had SMSed instructions through about stock take. She said that AJ's made 4 little girls dresses so far, and had another two cut out. Maybe I should send some material and a pattern down.... ;)

Wednesday

2005-12-01T15:43:00.000+02:00

Yesterday John & AJ went walking, as usual. John's tiring AJ out :) They asked my mom for directions to a nearby shopping centre, so I assume that's where they're heading today. The shopping centre has a nice crafts shop.

The chemo next week will be done over four days. He will have a dose every day, unlike the previous day-in-between block. He will be an outpatient for it. This means that they'll go in to the hospital at 9 every morning to receive the chemo. The doctor says that the doses are going to be lighter this time around. As I've mentioned before, Prof Du Toit doesn't make forecasts, and therefore we don't know if it will be his last block. I'm sure we all hope so!

Bring It On

2005-11-30T14:14:00.000+02:00

I thought John could do with a cheerleader... So here's a picture of Eliza Dushku in "Bring It On". Awesome, oh wow, like totally freak me out I said right on!

And here's another....

Wednesday

2005-11-30T11:06:00.000+02:00

The counts are:

White Blood Cells - 2.9
HGB - 10.2 (haemoglobin?)
Platelets - 377
Neutrophils - 60%

Some up, some down. But still looking good. As I've said before, it's the way the counts move over time that's important, and over time the counts have risen quite a bit.

So on Friday John will go in to get the j-line flushed. He starts chemo on Monday next week. They're giving him four doses, and one on each day so it will only take four days. He will be an outpatient during this time :)))

Tuesday

2005-11-30T11:02:00.000+02:00

Tuesday was a quietish day. John and AJ went walking. In fact, they walked so much AJ was worn out and went home, and John continued on his own! That's really awesome, for two reasons. Firstly, the doctor had been a bit worried about a muscle in his leg, but all the walking they had done had helped it and it was doing better. Secondly, because it's an indication of determination, and John's determination is so important. So well done, J! You rock!

Am not sure what the first less-macrobial meal was, but I'm sure John can fill us in. I've invited him to join this blog, so hopefully he'll be able to post soon himself :)

Tuesday

2005-11-29T15:46:00.000+02:00

At this stage, I have no new news. Read my lips - no new news. So on to the normal and ridiculous, and I'll post again tomorrow after my mom has spoken to AJ. J & I smsed a bit. A brief summary of the conversation would be: insulting accounting, plotting to take over the world, Pinky & the Brain in-jokes, Harry Potter in-jokes, chicken schnitzel in-jokes....

AJ sadly missed the library Xmas lunch, but I was there so they took me along. Mmmm, free food, and we even got dessert!

Oh, hang on a minute, I do have some clarification. The "three hits" of chemo AJ referred to in her SMS yesterday mean that the block of chemo John will probably (depending on the state of the J-line) start on Wednesday will have three doses of heavy chemo. They usually space them out with a day in between, and then there'll be some recovery time needed afterwards. But I refuse to attempt any more predictions, considering how badly I've done in the past...

W00000000000T W00000000000T

2005-11-28T17:08:00.000+02:00

So John just phoned me and gave me an update. It's pretty darn good news :)))))))

Firstly, it turns out that I was entirely wrong about the chemo being heavier this time (he goes in on Wednesday). In fact, it's probably going to be lighter on him. This is because his counts are most impressively high and healthy - far higher than they were when he went in :))))))))))))) He'll have more tests on Wednesday, and then the chemo. AJ said in here sms that it would be "three hits". I'm not exactly sure what that means though....

His platelet count is 477 000, which is higher than your average healthy human being!!!!! His white blood cell count is 2.7. This has doubled since the last test. He also has high levels of neutrophils, and this means that he has lots of good white blood cells. Therefore he is not as susceptible to infection, and will be able to go into quiet public places and be around a few people.

His red blood cell count is now 10ish (I think, I'm trying to remember this all accurately). This means that he is no longer anaemic (RBC of 9 or lower), and therefore does not get as tired as quickly, and is generally stronger. The red blood cell count determines how well John feels on a given day, so a high cell count means that he is feeling better :))))))

His J-line was a bit loose, and they were a bit worried that it might possibly be a problem at some stage in the future. But his WBC are high, and the nurses put antibiotic cream on it and fixed it, so it should be ok.

He's also able to eat some of the foods that were previously forbidden by his low macrobial diet. AJ suggested pizza for supper, but John would prefer to go a bit slower :) He said he's looking forward to regular peanut butter.

i'm so happy

Monday

2005-11-28T11:35:00.000+02:00

John is going in at 4:30 today. This means that they are unlikely to start the chemo straight away, as they need to flush the J-line and take all those blood samples for testing. Therefore, if things are going well, he will probably start the next block of chemo on Tuesday. There is a chance that they will be able to do this block in Sunflower rather than Isolation.

Cumulative Chemo

2005-11-28T11:34:00.001+02:00

Chemo has a cumulative effect. This means that the first block of chemo has the lightest effect, and that the effects get heavier and heavier with each subsequent block. He is weaker now than when he first went in for his first block of chemo, and will be substantially weaker after this batch of chemo than he is now. The nausea, sores, and headaches will probably step up in intensity too. His eyes will also probably be affected, although probably not as badly as they were the first time, as they were recovering from the operation then as well.

Sunday

2005-11-28T11:34:00.000+02:00

Sunday was a normal day. When my mom phoned, John was watching TV while AJ cooked supper. They had gone for a couple of walks.

AJ and Adrian had gone shopping to find a cap, as John’s hair is coming out more and he’s getting sunburnt on their walks.

John and I smsed each other during Idols. He supported Karin, and I Gift.

Saturday

2005-11-28T11:33:00.000+02:00

On Saturday, John and AJ walked towards the hospital, and then towards the nearby shopping center. Obviously, John is not allowed to go in, as the risk of infection is far too high. Even exposure to a cold could be deadly.

John got Windoze installed, and was able to go online for 20 minutes at a time. Apparently there was some difficulty with Vodacom, but they were planning to try sort it out on Monday, when offices reopened.

John’s temperature did drop today, but by the time of next taking it had normalized again.

Friday

2005-11-28T11:31:00.000+02:00

Mr Clegg was down in Cape Town for an army function, and went to visit AJ & John, as well as another East London lady who has relapsed and is back in isolation. It was a really good visit. He brought John the electric shaver he had promised, as well as tracksuit pants, Windoze CDs and mail for AJ. John needed the Windoze CDs to get online, as Laura did not have the necessary components installed on her laptop for it to use the wireless card.

I think the best thing about the visit though was that John and Mr Clegg were able to compare war stories. Thus, the things that were scary and new to John could be shared, and I’m sure Mr Clegg was able to answer many of his questions. I know they compared the rates of hair loss and weight etc. Mr Clegg had Prof Jacobs as his doctor. Apparently Prof Jacobs is more likely to take risks, and does make use of experimental treatments when the standard ones fail. John’s doctor is Prof Du Toit, who is apparently more cautious and does not use the experimental treatments.

Mr Clegg’s driver is Melvin. It turns out that he works at the IT department at UCT. He has kindly offered to assist AJ with her shopping etc.

Granny went out for the day, for the first time since John was diagnosed. I think she’s more confident now that if anything goes wrong, we will get hold of her immediately and she will not be the last to find out. She went to Boet & Brenda’s farm, to celebrate Brenda’s birthday, and enjoyed herself most thoroughly.

Thursday

2005-11-28T11:30:00.000+02:00

Thursday was a normal day. They went walking. AJ sounded a bit bored.

Blatant Living Experiences

2005-11-24T11:21:00.000+02:00

John’s blog is called Xanadu. I’ve stuck a link for it over there ß ß It’s decided to the interfaces between man, machine and God, and according to the opening page you can expect to find “Blatant Living Experiences” on it. I’m not too sure when John will get online, and I guess he’ll probably announce his online-ness on #rucus first, but I’d watch his blog because who know? Perhaps that live streaming video feed we joked about may become a reality.

John Richter: Powered by Imaginet.

Monday

2005-11-24T11:18:00.000+02:00

Today was another good day. In fact, from the sounds of things it was a pretty great day :)

Reverent Bailey picked AJ and John up and took them to the hospital for the tests. The nurses first flushed John’s J-line, and them took blood. The samples were then analysed, and they got to see the doctor to hear the results. The white blood cell count wasn’t high enough for him to start the next batch of chemo, but the platelet count had risen and the doctors were very happy about that. According to Mr Clegg, the platelets are the ones to really watch, and when they start going up the white blood cell and red blood cell counts kind of fix themselves.

They hadn’t made arrangements to be picked up from the hospital after the tests, because they didn’t know how long they’d be or if John would be staying. So John walked home from the hospital. He managed the walk well. He was pretty tired afterwards, but said that the exercise makes him feel good and so he wants to exercise more. So that’s a good thing, as keeping his muscles from atrophying is important. Also, exercise is good for your brain chemistry – it actually does make you happier.

So John has another week of chilling at home with AJ. Well, it’s not chemo, but I really don’t think a week of good food, good rest and exercise, great reading material coupled with good eyesight (his eyesight might be messed up again after the next block) and your own place is such a bad thing.

In the evening Prof Wells arrived. He had a long visit, and stayed for two hours. AJ said it was like Christmas, as he brought so many gifts, letters and messages with him! They were mostly from the Comp Sci department, the Stats department, and Our Friends, Imaginet. He had some Imaginet products – tee-shirt, hat (I’m sure the hat will come in handy to protect the baldening head from the sun) etc. He also had tons of Computer Stuff, including a wireless card! W00t!!!!! I think this will give him wireless net access, which means that he will be able to chat, email, and perhaps even blog? Also, most conveniently, he’ll be able to move his connection from the flat to the hospital with ease.

It’s so nice to be able to post such happy news :)

Vote for your Idol with your Imaginet connection.

A Very Special Message

2005-11-24T11:17:00.000+02:00

I have a very special message from John to all you peeps out there. He says: “don’t take any wooden nickels”. I think we should spend some time contemplating this and finding its inner wisdom.

Imaginet doesn’t sell slave kids to Arabs.

Sunday

2005-11-24T11:16:00.000+02:00

Another good day :)

Both AJ and John slept late. In fact, they had to make up time for some of the temperature-taking. John’s temperature has been completely stable and spot on. John walked to the corner several times. They ate well, and both felt really good. AJ was hoping that Sunday would be John’s last day as an outpatient, and that when they went in for tests on Monday John could stay for his next dose of chemo.

It was AJ’s birthday today. Adrian, my brother, was supposed to pick her up and take her to get groceries, but I think she wanted to spend the day at home instead.

Imaginet makes the world a warmer, fuzzier place.

John Smells Like Teen Spirit

2005-11-24T11:15:00.000+02:00

This post refers to a conversation John and I had quite a while ago. John, having as he does, a strong Christian faith has long considered himself saved, and therefore going to heaven. When he moved to Grahamstown, he met and befriended Yousuf (sp?) and Baruch (sp?). Yousuf is Muslim, and of course the two had many talks about their respective spiritualities. Baruch is Jewish, and the same occurred. Anyway, the upshot of the conversations was that because of the way John lives, and his faith, according to both Judaism and Islam he would go to heaven. I remember when he first told me this – he was quite excited about it.

Anyway, when John was in isolation for that longish spell, he decided that a good way to spend his time was to reach spiritual enlightenment, or nirvana. This is kinda the Buddhist equivalent of heaven (but you knew that already). The path to enlightenment is to meditate and think deeply, about stories and questions your guru provides. I decided to help by smsing him the truly profound question: “Can you give a voodoo doll acupuncture?”. I’m sure it’s helping….

Imagine a river of milk, swirling with crispy rice and toasted coconut. Now imagine surfing all of this, with your Imaginet connection.

Saturday

2005-11-24T11:13:00.000+02:00

Saturday was a good day – quiet and uneventful. John ate well and felt good. He managed to walk to the corner of the block. AJ went shopping for secondhand books for him, and came back with a copy of Terry Pratchett’s “Thud”. It’s the latest TP, hitting the shelves as I type, so AJ’s finding of a secondhand copy of it is quite remarkable. I know Josh is insanely jealous.

Rampant internet addiction? Imaginet can exacerbate the problem.

Pic Updates

2005-11-19T13:07:00.000+02:00

I’ve given my mom Prof Wells’ email address, so she’s forwarding the pictures to him as soon as we receive them. This means that the lag between my mom receiving them, and my going down to write an exam at varsity and forwarding them has been cut out. Which further means that the pics are being updated more regularly and rapidly than the blog. Therefore, if you want to see what’s going on, I recommend that you check 38/johenius even if there have been no blog updates.

Friday

2005-11-19T13:06:00.000+02:00

My mom phoned AJ earlier in the day, and she said John had been exhausted by the move, and had spent most of the day sleeping. I don’t think Nathan got to see much of him, after all…

John slept most of the morning. Later they went for a walk down the driveway, but it was quite tiring as he is weak. They had a rest halfway through, before they headed back to the house. John headed for bed again. In the evening, John had a shower and was able to sit up and watch JAG.

AJ takes his temperature 4 or 5 times a day. It had stayed constant throughout the day. She’s also been cooking for him. Apparently he has to eat lots of vegetables, but they have to come out of tins. The cooking has been a bit of an adjustment, but AJ enjoys cooking (and is an excellent cook) so I think she enjoyed doing it. John was able to eat three good meals, and kept them down. Bev Ball took AJ to the closest shop to stock up on tinned veggies.

My uncle, Gary, has to go back to Port Elizabeth on Tuesday next week. John’s eyes have improved, so he wants books to read, and Gary is taking AJ to the secondhand bookstore nearby. Someone gave John the Lance Armstrong autobiography, and he’s devoured it from cover to cover. Adrian, my brother, is going to take AJ out on Sunday. Reverend Bailey is taking AJ and John in to the hospital on Monday for the next set of tests.

All in all it seemed like a nice, quiet, restful day, with great food.

The Bald And The Beautiful

2005-11-19T13:01:00.000+02:00

So the lecturers, and some of the students of the Computer Science department (and an IS student) recently took part in the CANSA shavathon. If you recall, John had his hair shaved on the same day, as part of the shavathon too.

There are pics here, so you can point and laugh if you like. Or you can feel all warm and fuzzy at the support shown. Either way, they’re worth a look.

Percy looks *so* different without hair….

P.S. I can’t decide whether to shave mine or not. I told Lau I’d do it if she did, but I was really just looking for someone to tell me it would be ok. I took it all off two years ago, and my family were unimpressed…

The Bestest Medical Care

2005-11-19T13:00:00.000+02:00

So John’s in the best place for oncology treatments in the country, possibly in Africa. At the Constantiaberg Medi-Clinic they have a wall of photos of their more famous patients. And one of them is The Arch, Desmond Tutu, who had cancer treatment there.

Thursday

2005-11-19T12:59:00.001+02:00

Great news! John is out of the hospital for a couple of days! It was very unexpected though, as AJ thought John was taking a turn for the worse and so had just about given up on the idea of him being an outpatient.

AJ did ask if they could fly home for a couple of days, but the doctor (Jacobs) said that flying was a bad idea, as they recondition the air in aeroplanes so it’s a haven for infections.

I’m not sure how long he’s going to be out. He has to go in again on Monday for yet another batch of tests, and I guess they’ll decide from there. He has another big block of chemo coming up, and he’ll have to go in again for that, but they’re saying that there is the possibility that he’ll be able to stay in Sunflower for it and avoid the whole isolation situation :) AJ’s now hoping that they’ll be home for Christmas :)

Uncle Gary had gone that afternoon to do some grocery shopping for AJ, and luckily arrived at the hospital in time to take John to the flat too, so he didn’t have to walk. Gary had gone to buy all the mini containers from Makro that John will need while he’s an outpatient. That worked out quite well.

AJ has to take John’s temperature pretty constantly. She also made her first meal for him, which would have been interesting, as he can only cook food prepared in certain ways so new methods of cooking were required.

John’s friend Nathan arrived to visit. Turns out it’s a really good thing it’s going to be a short visit, as the fewer people that are around John while he’s out the better. He was spending the night, and then was heading off sometime on Friday. I’m sure John was really happy to see Nathan though.

AJ’s colleagues at Fort Hare had a collection for her birthday, and gave her a most generous gift. Everyone is being so good, and it really is appreciated. AJ’s birthday is on the 20th, and Laura’s is on the 25th.

Timour Hall Villa

2005-11-19T12:59:00.000+02:00

I’ve got the contact details of Deon Huysamen, the House Manager, of Timour Hall Villa. It’s run by the International Police Association, and is a pretty cool place by my mom’s account. They have really big gardens, with guinea fowl and squirrels, and charge a flat rate per person rather than per single or double room. It’s a beautiful old building, and there are shared kitchens for cooking. They charge R70 a night, which is a similar rate to backpacker’s establishments whilst being significantly less scuzzy.

Tel/Fax: 021-797 2582
Cell: 084 510 2516
E-mail: timour@mweb.co.za

Wednesday

2005-11-19T12:58:00.000+02:00

Today was a pretty ordinary day. John didn’t have physio today. He has it every second day. John put on his shorts, and sat in the easy chair next to his bed. They didn’t do blood tests today, but will do them tomorrow. In the late afternoon John got headachey, as usual, but it was a bit worse today. He went to bed early.

John’s doctor will be back at the end of the week. Lau got the scholarship (you go girl!). My uncle, Gary, took AJ shopping and they bought the Veet for John’s chest hair. Nathan phoned, and is going to visit John in Cape Town. This is great news, as it will be a surprise for John, and I’m sure it will perk him up as visitors always do.

Tuesday

2005-11-19T12:51:00.000+02:00

Today was an uneventful day – which is always nice! AJ needs to buy hair remover for John’s chest, as the dressings for the J line keep coming loose. John’s body hair is also slowly coming off. The nurses suggest hair remover, as it’s too dangerous to take a razor anywhere near him. With his particular type of Dread Disease, one of the Special Features (that’s the way they actually described it on the UK medical website I looked at!) is the lack of blood clotting, and subsequent risk of excessive bleeding. I really loved the way the website described it, as though it’s a feature on a new model of car. May I show you our new acute promyelitic leukemia? It comes in two distinct hues. Would you like to take it for a spin? It features airbags, and mp3 player and excessive bleeding…

Still, I passed on the details of the particular diagnosis on to Discus, he being vastly more knowledgeable about biology than I am, and according to him the kind that John has is one of the “better” kinds with higher recovery rates (if there is such a thing as a “better” type of Dread Disease).

Lau had her interview for the scholarship, which she said she thought went well.

Granny washed John’s Warhammer 40K figurines, at the request of AJ.

John phoned AJ in the evening. He’d put the lights on, and was reading. This is quite nice, as until now they’ve kept the curtains closed and the lights off. Perhaps it’s a signal that the eyes are slowly improving?

Monday

2005-11-15T15:13:00.000+02:00

John had a good morning. AJ found him Oreos, which he can eat because they come in small packets of two. I’m convinced Life is better when you can eat chocolate-flavoured biscuits. He has been able to do all the physio exercises. He messed around on the laptop for a while, trying to set up his internet connection. When he does get it set up, it will mostly be used for emails (keep ‘em short, please!) as the costs of the telephone calls through the hospital are very expensive. It would come to R25 for an hour. He was also able to read a magazine for a while.

John’s counts took a bit of a plunge again later in the day. I’m sure the nurses did the usual transfusions and things. John was taking a bit of strain in the evening though, but didn’t want to go on to stronger painkillers. I think that’s because the painkillers can make you hallucinate and feel really disconnected ‘n stuff, but I’m not sure exactly if that was why John didn’t want them.

If you love John, you’ll love Imaginet!

Outpatient

2005-11-15T14:53:00.000+02:00

AJ asked Prof Jacobs (Prof Du Toit is away, so John’s seeing Prof Jacobs at the moment) when John would be able to be an outpatient. He said the conditions were that his counts had to be stable, or rising, for three consecutive test periods (they test every second day, so that’s a week), and his temperature needed to be absolutely stable. It might be a way off at this stage, as John’s temperature rises in the evenings, and his counts seem to go up and down regularly. The important thing though, is that he’s getting the best care possible, and he’s going to get better, no matter how long it takes. But you never can tell, he may suddenly hit an upstreak and have a couple of days outta the Medi-Clinic.

Imaginet is your friend

Psychological Mutterings

2005-11-15T14:43:00.000+02:00

I’m finding it fascinating how much mindset and attitude play a role in treatment and recovery. With “lesser” illnesses, it’s pretty obvious that if you let things get to you, you feel a lot worse. But I guess I hadn’t really thought about the role that psychology plays in a Dread Disease, which is so obviously a majorly physically thing. I guess it just proves what psychologists have been figuring out in that Descartes was really way off the mark….

Imaginet wants you!

Sunday

2005-11-15T14:38:00.000+02:00

Saturday night was quite rough for John. After his WBC count had dropped, they gave him two transfusions and haemoglobin. He had some strong reactions to it, but the doctor said it was still in the range of “normal” and so although unpleasant, nothing to be too worried about. It would be odd it they did all that stuff and it didn’t have an impact on him.

Later on, on Sunday, they were able to give him his usual meds, and within half an hour he was feeling much much better. They took a stroll around the garden, and John walked to the X-ray department on his own again.

Imaginet rocks (almost as much as R:E:M:)

Visiting

2005-11-15T14:33:00.000+02:00

I figure that with exams nearly over, and holidays coming up, some of my readers may want to visit John. In which, accommodation may be an issue, particularly during the December/January holiday period.

When my mom was down there, she found a great place called Timour Lodge. It’s within walking distance of the hospital. It’s self-catering accommodation, and really great value for money. I think it’s about R70 or R75 a night. The phone number is, well, I don't know but I'll find out. Or you can email me at johenius3883@gmail.com for details.

I’m sure that AJ would definitely be prepared to put up one of John’s close friends for a night or two, if they were unable to make other arrangements. AJ is going through a pretty rough time, having been suddenly uprooted and dumped in the middle of a city she doesn’t know, watching John’s rough times, she doesn’t know many people and she has no transport, and I think it’s really important that we don’t put any unnecessary strain on her. But it is a bit tricky, as I know various family members are thinking of, or planning to go down, too and I’m sure Laura will want to be there for Christmas, and well, obviously family has to take priority. Also, AJ may need to fly back to East London for a weekend to make arrangements for month end things. When she left East London, I know she was expecting to be there for up to two weeks, and well, obviously it’s been a longer, and therefore she needs to make those kinds of plans for her absence. Basically, at this stage, I think we need to be able to keep our plans as flexible as possible, because we don’t know what will happen.

You can use your internet connection obtained from Imaginet to find accommodation in Plumstead!

Imaginet

2005-11-15T14:25:00.000+02:00

Imaginet, an ISP in Grahamstown, have most kindly donated an dial up Internet connection to John. Therefore, we all love Imaginet! If you need an Internet connection, may I recommend Imaginet? They are most kind and generous... The usual subscription fee is R99 per month.

Imaginet is tHE pRODUCT

[/shameless plug]

A Christmas Present

2005-11-14T14:25:00.000+02:00

So I was thinking that it might be a nice idea to give John an album of great memories and pictures for Christmas. I’d like to compile one, and take it down with me when I (finally!) get to head down to Cape Town. So, if you have any pictures of yourself with John, or pics with your balk head, any symbols or special memories, any notes or good wishes, that you would like to have included, please email them to me at johenius3883@gmail.com

Friday

2005-11-14T14:04:00.000+02:00

Today John’s platelet counts dropped dramatically, and he was given a transfusion. According to Mrs Clegg, it’ll happen at least a dozen times during the treatment. The Authorities (doctors? Nurses? Big Brother?) say it will be another 3 or 4 weeks before the next chemo. They’re giving his body time to recover in the mean time.

One of the power cells at Koeberg (sp?) went down, and Cape Town and the rest of the Western Cape had massive power cuts. However the hospital has emergency back up power. Before my mom left Cape Town, she asked Laura if she could think of anything AJ needed for her flat. She suggested candles. I bet they’re being put to good use tonight. UPDATE: POWER WAS RESTORED BEFORE AJ GOT HOME

Lau arrived home safely in Grahamstown. As usual, she is having tons of cash thrown at her in the form of bursaries. It’s good news as it means that she will be able to look after herself next year, and perhaps even contribute financially to the family. She’s flying up to Jozi for an interview on Tuesday.

Thursday

2005-11-14T14:03:00.000+02:00

John moved out of isolation today! W00t! He’s in Sunflower. Yay! *bounce* (like a Gummi Bear!)

Much excitement was had, and nurses were bade farewell and a new set greeted. But he pushed himself today (understandably). He wanted to walk to Sunflower, instead of taking the wheelchair. And then, when he arrived, he wanted to get outside. Well, after 3 weeks in the same tiny room, it’s totally understandable. He and AJ sat on a bench under a tree, watching the ducks eating the grass around the pond in the garden. However, it was a helluva hot day (33 degrees), and I think the combinations of the exertions of moving, the heat, the sun, and the excitement all mounted and the rest of the day was less good.

I think everyone was a bit down because Lau had to leave. I know they all wished she could stay. She is leaving early on Friday morning.

John also saw the neuropsychiatrist today. AJ and Lau had chatted with him about the treatment he’ll be getting before hand though, so I think the news (of him not being able to study or graduate next year) was cushioned slightly. I think it’s still a bit of a sensitive issue though, so I wouldn’t bring it up unless he does first.

Wednesday

2005-11-14T14:02:00.000+02:00

AJ & Lau met with the neuropsychiatrist in the afternoon. Apparently he was very nice and approachable. However, he didn’t tell them anything they didn’t already know. He did speak about it being a very long term process, and that they must be prepared and that there would be ups and downs along the way. He also offered them counseling.

John had a down day. He hadn’t seen the neuropsychiatrist yet, and was still waiting for a vacancy in Sunflower.

Janet Bailey took AJ grocery shopping. Emma took her material shopping. AJ is planning to make little girls dresses, for Janet’s granddaughters and Emma’s daughter, as a way to say thank you for all the support.

Apparently people who have illnesses which require long-term treatment often get depressed. The nurses said so, but I also recall this from our studies of the good ol’ DSM IV TR (long may it collect dust). Mr Clegg experienced this, and they apparently give people antidepressants via their drips.

Tuesday

2005-11-14T14:01:00.000+02:00

John was going to move into Sunflower today. The Sunflower ward has 3 rooms though. One has 4 beds, another two, and the last is a single. Sadly the single wasn’t available, and putting him in with three other people is too risky. There was only one person in the double room though, but they had double pneumonia…. The hospital was hoping that there’d be a bed available for tomorrow.

It was a bit of a bad day for John. He had a sore chest, and went in for X-rays. The good news, however, is that he was able to walk to the X-ray department. He usually goes in a wheelchair with a mask over his face. He managed five minutes on the bike, and did his physio exercises.

John also phoned Mr Clegg (who taught him in Grade 7/Standard 5), and had a long chat. He felt better after that. Mr Clegg is going down to Cape Town on the 25th of November, and has promised to go visit him.

A Bundle o’News (Not A Mug o’Grog)

2005-11-14T13:59:00.000+02:00

It’s been a while since I blogged. As mentioned before, I am writing exams. However, as Laura is back, you’ll hopefully be able to get updates from her blog. Note the link over there <-----

Also note the link to 38/johenius, for pics of John <----- There are some new ones, including the bald pics (he looks surprisingly good with short hair). I think it really suits him a lot better than the long hair (I never thought I’d say that). The awesome dressing gown in the pic was/is his dads (I apologize for the confusion of tense, but I don’t like saying “was”, as though it no longer “is”. It’s still Uncle Peter’s).

Monday's News

2005-11-08T13:15:00.000+02:00

It was most definitely not a Blue Monday. John had another good day – 3 in a row! I think it’s probably due to a combination of stronger painkillers, Laura’s presence, and the length of time since the chemo.

He managed five minutes on the exercise bike. He was pushing himself, and was exhausted afterwards, but it’s a good sign. Lau and John also played computer games for a while, but stopped when John’s eyes started hurting. AJ says that John’s vision is improving, but his eyes are very sensitive to light. They keep the curtains in his room closed.

The septicemia is healing. The nurses took the dressing off. John’s developed little sores on his arms and his legs, but it’s one of the chemo side effects and the doctors and nurses aren’t worried. AJ said that they don’t bug him at all, so it’s nothing to be stressed about.

As I have mentioned extensively about the counts, they are expected to go up and down, and you can’t tell much from an individual count on one day. Having said that, John’s white blood cell count was fractionally down. His platelet count, on the other hand, has risen and the doctors are pleased about that.

Lau and AJ are doing well. They’ve had visits from Emma, Bev Ball, and Janet Bailey. One of them (I’m not sure who) took them shopping. Both Lau and AJ have birthdays in November, so they bought each other tops for birthday presents. I hear they’re eating well.

This afternoon a young doctor is coming to speak to the family. He’s going to explain to them what to expect, and what the treatment plan is. This will allow everyone to make plans for the future. It might be a bit of a shock though, so some encouraging SMSes would not go amiss.

Corrrr-ection!

2005-11-07T13:24:00.000+02:00

Oops. As I have by now exhaustively mentioned, this blog suffers from broken telephone syndrome....

I have a corrected version of events previously posted:

Just for the record, the deal with the exams is that he doesn't have
to write them now, but he will have to write them at some stage. My
offer was to try to arrange with the "authorities" that he be allowed
to write them at whatever time suits him - not necessarily during the
"official" November, January and June exam periods.

All better now! :)

Pics

2005-11-07T13:10:00.000+02:00

Scary-eyed John

A much-needed commodity

Lau & John

AJ in her new flat

Check out the rest at 38/johenius

Sunday

2005-11-07T12:44:00.000+02:00

Today was another good day. John did his exercises with much coercion from AJ and Lau. He also watched TV for half an hour. They have the TV mounted to the ceiling, and you can swivel the angle for if you're sitting up or lying down. They've got DSTV, so I guess, by some unknown feat of smoke and mirrors MTV is sanitized....

As mentioned previously, having Lau there is a big help. Mrs Bailey brought AJ's washing back for her, and then bought pizzas for her and Lau for supper on the way home.

John was complaining to Yvonne about how expensive the internet connection is, and how he didn't understand why it was that way. Yvonne said that a couple of people had similar complaints, and suggested that John write a report about it, and they could try to organize things to make it cheaper. Oy, will the geekdom never end? But still it gives him something to do, and something to work on.

John has a landline in his room. I'm trying to get the number, because then he can missed call when he wants to talk, and we can phone him back on the landline. It will much cheaper, and he can save that airtime for SMSes.

The Landlady And The Tennant

2005-11-07T12:39:00.000+02:00

AJ’s landlady, Cathy, spent an evening with her sometime last week. This is nice, because it means that AJ had some company, and she’s building a relationship with someone down there. Cathy asked her what her hobbies are, and she said she sewed. Well Cathy pitched up with her mom’s (who no longer sews) sewing machine and overlocker. She also brought a box of materials. AJ is going to make pajamas for Cathy’s kids. I think it was really sweet of Cathy, and am so glad AJ will have something else to focus on. Cathy also offered AJ a lift to the hospital one morning, when it was cold and rainy, which is also really great and helpful and all those good things.

Saturday

2005-11-07T12:37:00.000+02:00

Today was a good day :)

Let the head shaving begin! John had his head shaved today.

Lau and AJ took shifts with him. He ate all three of his meals, and spent a lot of the day being up and about. He has five different mouthwashes, and goes back and forth to the bathroom with those. He walked in the passage, and had a go on the exercise bike.

The doctor came around, and spent more time than usual. He and Laura got chatting about chemical reactions, or some such thing. The physio came, and gave John different sets of exercises to do. He has some for when he’s up, for when he’s sitting in his chair, and for when he’s lying in his bed. It’s to prevent muscle atrophy, but it also gives John something to do and to achieve in the day.

Lau’s managed to get a lift back on Friday, so hopefully she’ll be able to spend longer. I think both John and AJ have been very happy to see her, and another tier of support is always good. Having her there makes a BIG difference to both John and AJ. Sadly it’s going to depend on whether the church will let her have two more days off. They don't seem to be very supportive... But that's just the impression I get on the end of the broken telephone, I'm probably wrong. She even had to bring scads of work to do, while she’s in Cape Town.

They’ve taken more photos, so I’ll be posting them soon.

Friday

2005-11-07T12:35:00.000+02:00

John ate all his breakfast today, so that was good. But the rest of the day was rough.

John had organized to have his head shaved today, but after the visitors left he was too tired, so they changed it to Saturday. It had started to fall out. He wanted to do it when the CANSA Shavathon was on, because then it wouldn’t just be him.

In the evening, the painkillers he was on weren’t working very well, so they put him onto Sto Pain. The nurses offered him morphine for if the Sto Pain didn’t work. He turned it down though. John was psyched up because he was able to read a computer magazine for half an hour before his eyes started hurting.

Laura arrived from Grahamstown. I’m sure AJ was happy to see her. She also brought a parcel from granny. Thanks to Richard Woods and Nola for organizing this. I got a PC Format mag for John and sent it down. It came in plastic, so hopefully they’ll allow it in.

John’s temperature was high, which is a sign of infection. He’s also developed septicemia, where they did the bone marrow test in East London. My mom and I got scared, and didn’t know how bad things were. My mom phoned Mr Clegg’s wife (also called Laura), and asked her about various things. Laura suggested that my mom phone the nurses, and gave her the number. So my mom called. The nurses said that they are causes for concern, but that they do routinely see them in Dread Disease patients. Basically, because their immune levels are so low, they are very vulnerable to these things, and septicemia particularly can quickly occur. They’re watching him very closely, and are going to treat the septicemia (I have no idea how). The thing to remember is that it’s going to get worse before it gets better.

Thursday

2005-11-07T12:33:00.000+02:00

Today was a less good day. John had some visitors, which he enjoyed by sadly they wore him out. He makes an effort to be animated and engage with visitors, but gets tired very quickly. When the visitors left, he started shaking. He had a fever. The nurses gave him high doses of antibiotics and painkillers. After he had had them, he felt a bit better and was able to eat his whole supper. This is good news, as he’s lost 15 kgs since being there.

The chances that he’ll be moved to Sunflower anytime soon are dropping, because of the high temperature.

My aunt Helen arrived and spent the afternoon with AJ, helping her get her shopping done. My aunt had pink eye and a sore throat, so she didn’t go in to see John. She waved through the window though…

Yesterday

2005-11-03T17:43:00.000+02:00

I’ve lost track of the numbered days. *sigh* We’re back to the “yesterday, today and tomorrow” scenario. Apologies.

I had a couple of smses from John. Mostly about Monkey Island (so a grand total of about two of my blog readers will get this, but I’m posting it anyway). I challenged him to a round of Monkey Kombat. I opened with a Charging Chimp, he countered with a Gimpy Gibbon, which I followed with a Bobbing Baboon. And then, later John phoned me and we had a long chat.

John had a better day yesterday. Yvonne, the counselor came and had a chat with him (shooing AJ out of the room). This made a HUGE difference. John said that she laid everything out for him, and was able to pick up very quickly where he was. He said that the nurses had told him to take things moment by moment, because you can never be 100% certain what the side effects of the chemo will be. However, he likes to have goals and subgoals, and gets a sense of purpose and worth from achieving these goals. He and Yvonne came up with a way to work the situation for him, with his goals being to eat a little more at each meal, to walk a little further in the corridor each day, etc. John also mentioned that he was feeling a bit like he was imprisoned in a cell, and Yvonne said she’d chat to the nurses and doctors and see if they could help him out with moving into Sunflower. Of course, as mentioned before, it’s not worth taking risks, but mental state is a huge part of beating the Dread Disease, and being in Sunflower would help that at this stage.

I think it’s great that the hospital has a counselor on staff. Yvonne was a patient at the hospital for a long time, and during this time she realized how important mindset and approach to illness is. She started volunteering at the hospital, doing counseling. The doctors and nurses saw big differences in the patients when she had been with them. So the hospital sent her on a training course, and employed her full time to work there. Her job is in the “Customer Care” department, and she’s there to support patients and their families. John has always ripped me off and told me that psychology’s useless, so he said he had to eat his words because Yvonne was so good with him and really helped. I must say it does require looking past Dr Phil and the shrinks on Oprah and Ricki, but most of the psychologists I know are really warm and caring people. Good news! Yay!

More good news is that John’s counts were a little up yesterday. This is good, because at this stage many people’s counts are still going down. It’s early days still, but I think it’s worth celebrating every little victory. Any excuse for a party!

John said that he’d had a piece of toast for breakfast. He then tried to have some All Bran, but took one bite and curled up in pain. For lunch the nurses brought him a nutritional shake, which caused the same reaction. However, he was later able to have a cup of tea. He reckons it’s the cold that he can’t handle. So today he’s trying warm foods.

John’s sinuses have been a problem lately, as mentioned before. They’ve been causing him to have congestion headaches and a nasal drip. But yesterday the nurses did a steaming type thing with him – you know like when you put some Vicks in a basin of hot water and cover your face with a towel and breathe in the fumes? Obviously theirs was a more hardcore version, and John said it has made a difference, and yesterday was the first day in ages in which he hasn’t had a headache.

His eyes are also getting a bit better. It’s a result of the passage of time since the last chemo. They’ll probably get bad again after the next block, but right now they’re ok. He tried reading one of his manga for a while, but couldn’t keep it up for long. He also got the laptop out, and played a computer game. Apparently it’s something like Star Wars Pod Racing, but the Linux version thereof. He said it was a bit weird, cos he couldn’t really see where he was going and so kept crashing into the walls, but still had fun. He also watched an anime episode. Today he and his mom are going to watch an episode of Scrubs. He said he thinks it’s the most appropriate thing, given the circumstances. But I think it’s a good sign – he’s now a man with a plan….

George Wells visited him yesterday evening. In fact, John phoned me right after the visit. He was really happy about the visit. Apparently Prof (well if he’s HOD I’m guessing he’s a Prof) Wells has arranged it so that John will graduate with the rest of his class. He won’t have to write exams, or finish his thesis. Which is *so* awesome. Not only does he not have to worry about his studies now, but it’s also given him something to work towards. I know he’d love to walk across that stage with the rest of his class, and it’s given him a goal to work towards. Ok, I’m already getting a little teary at the thought of him walking across the stage, because it will be a major moment of victory. Gimme a sec, I need to go find a tissue….

Apparently Prof Wells is a fan of my blog. “Hi Prof Wells!” *waves* Apparently my mad crazy R:E:M: fandom was a topic. Well at least I’m keeping people amused, I guess….

Also, someone from the Comp Sci department heard that John is a Terry Pratchett fan, and had trouble with his eyes, and send down the audio books of all of Terry Pratchett’s books. John’s pretty psyched about this, especially as he hasn’t read quite a few of the books that he’s now got on audio. Thank you, Comp Sci person!

They also spoke about Christo hosting John’s pics. John had a chuckle when I told him he is now the topic of www.38.co.za/johenius. Apparently 38.co.za is the home of drunken party photos. I’m thinking that when it’s time, we should all have a party and post the pics there, because it would be a nice way to end off this period in time. We chatted about weird email addresses and things. Also about how I want my blog back, but I’m trying to get Chris and Lau to start another more official version of a John blog with me. Either that, or I’ll start another blog for my rantings and ravings. John and I are pretty different, and we’re cool with that (in fact, we get on surprisingly well in spite of it), but I know my feminist pro-homosexuality stance would offend a lot of John’s other friends, so I’m trying not to post those kinds of things here, for now.

We kind of spoke about the people praying for him. It’s a big comfort for him, to know that so many people are praying. I know his faith has been, and will be, a major source of strength and hope for him.

We also chatted about Xsist11. LOL, the nick still makes me laugh. And we spoke about the forums, and I whined for the umpteenth time about how I was kicked off. John said that the admins should be able to let me on somehow, because I was a pretty prolific contributor. I’m debating whether it’s ethical to say that the admins should let me on to the forums because it would make John happy, and making John happy is Really Good Thing ™ or not, because that’s trying to manipulate the situation a little too ruthlessly for my liking.

Anyway, the visit perked him up a lot. I think he’s enjoying visitors in general, even when they don’t tell him that he won’t have to write exams. As I’ve said before, the hospital thing is getting a little tedious for him, so if you want to visit I’d recommend it. Also, while he’s still in isolation, you get to go through the funky sanitizing process I’ve described elsewhere. It sounds a little X-files and Star Wars to me, so it’s probably fun to do it at least once….

John also said he’d had another call from Dom. Something about going at it like ferrets with his mother, in a Freudian sense…. John and I have had arguments about who the Coolest Person In The World is (which is really just an excuse to talk about why we like certain people). John takes Dom as his Coolest Person In The World, and I take Peter Buck as mine….

John also spoke about Erica’s cool dress sense.

P.S. I’ve booked the Samwise Gamgee LOTR quote. The one where Sam and Frodo are taking strain in Mordor, and Sam tells Frodo that he can’t carry the ring for him, but he can carry him and picks him up and heads up the mountain to the Furnace Of Doom. That’s my quote. Nobody else can use it, mkay?

P.P.S. I think I need to stop doing the dot dot dot thing. I apologize to anyone I’v annoyed with my immediate stream of consciousness informal style of writing.

P.P.P.S. I’m sorry I don’t know the names of everyone, and all that they are doing for John. I know a lot of people are doing things behind the scenes, and I’d like to acknowledge their contributions. You’re appreciated, and your support is really valuable. So thank you, you rock, whoever you are.

News

2005-11-02T11:45:00.000+02:00

So John is still in isolation at the moment. The doctor consulted with his Head Nurse, Alice, and they decided to leave him there a little longer, as he has been having sinus problems (as being treated with the antihistamine). It's best to be cautious, and nice to know they're not taking any risks.

Apparently they have to do ECG's on his foot (leg?) because his chest is too hairy. He sent me an sms saying he flatlined three times. At which I panicked and freaked out. Turns out it was a result of his hairy chest, and nothing to do with his life being in danger at all.

Laura is going down to Cape Town this weekend. Perhaps someone could write some stand up comedy to CD for John to listen to? I know he's getting bored, and he's not particularly into music.

I'll soon be able to post pics...

Today's News

2005-10-31T20:03:00.000+02:00

Sorry it’s been so long, but I’ve been rushing around like a loony trying to keep up with everything. Thesis, essays, exams, etc.

JOHN IS ON THE CRITICAL LIST! Wooooooooooohooooooooooooo! I know, I didn’t think I’d ever celebrate someone I loved being on the Critical List, but it’s a good thing because it means he’s off the Crisis List. It’s still pretty serious, but the touch and go bit is over for now, and that’s a huge relief. The doctors had said that if they could get him through the first few days the prognosis would be good. And he’s through those days now.

I chatted to John for 25 minutes this afternoon. It was so good to hear his voice. He sounded upbeat, and matter of fact about all he’s going through. I guess I had this image of a Dread Disease Patient, and it’s good to recognize that he’s still the same person, with the same warped sense of humour that I have. My cousin with leukemia is still my cousin….

He’s lost 10 kgs already. He says that he’s feeling crappy 90% of the time, and that he feels fine 10% of the time. It’s to be expected though, and we can’t afford to get squeamish about it. Chemo is rough. It’s like going to Mordor, you’re constantly getting weaker and yet you have to continue and you really don’t want to. Or it’s like a Comrades Marathon. You get more and more tired, and you’re in pain but you have to keep going. John is going to get a lot weaker, he’s going to be in pain, he’s going to be throwing up, he won’t be able to read or see, and he’s going to be exhausted. But that’s part of the road ahead, and the only other option is death.

He said that the doctors had taken him to have an X-ray of his face this afternoon. I know that this morning they drew 8 vials of blood. They use this to determine how his body has reacted to the chemo. It’s quite difficult to tell how long the treatment will take, or how long the gaps will be between chemo, or how heavy the chemo will be. This is because they work according to each person’s specific body and reactions to the chemo. It’s a little annoying, because you want to be able to predict certain stuff, but it’s really good because at least you know he’s getting individual attention, and his treatment is the best possible thing for him at that time and not some kind of generic textbook thing.

Yesterday they put him on anti-histamines because he had a bit of a sniffle. Hopefully they’ll keep him dopey and out of it.

John said Dom had phoned him from Jo’berg. He sounded like it was a good call. He said that all the Grahamstown geeks were clubbing together to buy him cool geeky stuff for Christmas. I think it’s important to remember that his eyesight is bad, so if you want to give him something to do while he’s in hospital it should not require reading.

John is really enjoying the smses. He’s gotten AJ to write them all out in a book, so that he can look over them later and listen to them again and again. If you want to phone, it’s best to do it in the mornings. This is when he feels best. By the afternoons he has usually got a headache and is nauseous etc.

The Sunflower Ward

2005-10-31T20:00:00.000+02:00

I must apologise. As I noted before, sometimes it’s difficult to figure out exactly what’s going on, and people interpret things differently. It’s like a case of broken telephone.

Anyway, I said that John was going to be an outpatient this week. Oops. I think that was incorrect. I think it was probably mentioned that they might be able to move John “out”, and this was interpreted as him being an outpatient. I think it really referred to the possibility of moving him out of Isolation, back into the Sunflower Ward. At least, I got an sms from AJ saying that he might be moved into Sunflower on Tuesday or Wednesday, so I’m sure that’s it. It will be better for John to be in Sunflower, because he will get to share a room, and visitors won’t have to go through the whole detoxifying rigmarole currently required. I think that visiting will be restricted to visiting hours then, but I’m not sure.

I have no real idea when John will be an outpatient. It might be soon, because he’s a lot stronger now than he’s going to be later on. But then again, there are probably a lot of other variables that need to be taken into account that I don’t know about. I’m nowhere near being a doctor, so I don’t want to predict anything. Apparently to be an outpatient you need to maintain a certain platelet count for a period of time, for your temperature to be very stable, and to be off the drips and be able to take the chemo orally. For John to be an outpatient means that there is another whole set of logistics to grapple with. For starters, he won’t be able to walk to AJ’s flat, so they’re going to have to get someone to drive him. The flat will need to be disinfected and scrubbed down. And then there are the dietary requirements. He’s stuck on clean food, found in hermetically sealed packages. For example, he can’t use a normal block of butter. He has to get those little sealed butter blocks that you get in restaurants, and if he doesn’t use it all right away the remainder has to be thrown away. He won’t be able to eat fruit or vegetables, unless it comes in sealed packages or cans. Etc. It’s going to be quite tiring for AJ too, I’m sure, as she becomes his nurse. I’m know he’d probably like to have people around him, but it will be a case of minimizing germs and infections so it’s probably a better idea for him to be as isolated as possible. I guess we’ll have to see what happens when the time comes.

Anyway, there’s a kind of tenuous family connection to Sunflower Ward. My aunt Helen ahs a friend called Debbie. Debbie had leukemia, and went to the Constantiaberg Medi-Clinic. She had a pretty bad case, and needed a bone marrow transplant. However, the doctors couldn’t find a suitable donor (the best is a sibling, and thankfully I’m sure Lau would be glad to oblige if John required it), so the doctors cultivated her own bone marrow and transplanted that into her. However, this process took quite some time, and she was in the hospital for two years. When she was there, she painted the sunflower on the wall of the Sunflower Ward.

2 Kinds Of Chemo

2005-10-31T19:57:00.000+02:00

John finished his first big batch of heavy chemo on Friday. It was a session of four, one every second day.

There are two kinds of chemo. One is the light daily stuff. The other is the heavy chemo, taken every second day when they do the hectic stuff. The light daily chemo is to prevent the cancer cells in his body from splitting and spreading. The heavy stuff is to kill of the cancer cells that are already in his body. The doctor said that the light stuff is going according to plan, and that he’s been reacting better than expected to the heavy stuff. Of course, that’s just the way he’s been reacting to this specific batch of chemo, and it could change with other batches. Apparently this way of treating it with two kinds of chemo has been a revolutionary breakthrough, and it was pioneered by a Japanese doctor and one of the doctors from the Constantiaberg Medi-Clinic. At the moment both chemos are being administered through the J line (drip), but at a later stage, when he is only on the regular light chemo they’ll be able to give it to him orally.

It kind of reminds me of one of my favourite jokes. “There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who divide things into twos and those who don’t.”

The thing with chemo is that it can cure cancer instantly. However, to do so it would also kill the person having it instantly. So that’s not a good plan. That’s why the treatment takes so long, because they’re monitoring the person’s reaction to the chemo, as well as the cancer’s reaction to the chemo, and they have to balance the two carefully to ensure that the chemo isn’t too heavy but is still heavy enough.

Isolation

2005-10-31T19:56:00.000+02:00

So John is currently in Isolation. That means he has a nurse with him 24/7. It also means he doesn’t have any contact with any other patients. He’s hooked up to this big drip type machine thingy, through which they draw blood, administer chemo, give transfusions and infusions, keep him hydrated, and well, do a bunch more useful things. They also have radios that the patients can listen to.

Then he’s also wired up to a bank of monitors in the other room, which are dedicated solely to him. They give minute-by-minute print outs and readings of how things are going. The big three things to monitor are WBC (white blood cells), RBC (red blood cells) and PLT (platelets). The platelets are the most important. Healthy people have around 300 to 400 platelets. When John came in to the hospital, he had 18. But the thing is that they go up and down, depending on whether he’s had transfusions and plasma given to him, and how effective the chemo is at that point. His platelet count as of last night was around 145, but I think they had just given him more. The trends over time, and how he reacts to the things they give him needs to be taken into account when tracking the platelets.

The readings also have graphs attached. One of them is lobularity. I’m not sure what it’s all about. Maybe it’s to do with blood clotting? Other graphs include RBC and platelets.

The air and temperature in Isolation are regulated, so that they are very stable. This is to ensure that the patients don’t get sick. At the time that they are in isolation their immune systems are pretty much dead, and they are on very high doses of antibiotics. They are usually only allowed one visitor at a time, but when my mom and Lau were there they allowed them in all at the same time. I’m not sure why. Visitors are not allowed in at all if they are sick, because that can be deadly. I know Laura wanted to visit her friend Emma’s daughter in the pediatric wing, but they told her not too because there are too many infections that children get.

To visit, you need to go through a whole process. You are let in through an electrically locked door, if you have the correct clearance. You are then locked into a room for a while, and the bad air gets sucked out and the good air gets pumped in. Then you go and undress, and leave your clothes in a locker. If you visit, you have to wear hospital gowns and protective clothing. Then you have to scrub your hands for 10 minutes with a special soap. They have a diagram illustrating and detailing the exact handwashing procedure required. And then you can go in. But you can’t touch him, or his bed even. You have to stand at the other end of the room and talk to him. It’s also horrifically expensive. So I’m sure we all agree that the sooner he’s outta there the better.

Mr Clegg

2005-10-31T19:55:00.000+02:00

My mom teaches with Mr Clegg. He had leukemia recently, and went to the Constantiaberg Medi-Clinic. My mom’s been talking to him, and he even phoned John. It turns out that he had the exact same type of leukemia as John has. He’s the person who explained the RBC, WBC and PLT things to my mom, who then explained them to AJ. Mr Clegg was there for a year, and he had the same nurse that John has now. Her name is Alice. Yes, he’s living next door to Alice. Alice? She’s the nurse. When the nurses found out that my mom knew Mr Clegg they all sent messages to him, and wanted to find out how he and his family were doing.

He says that the eyes will stay bad for the whole time he’s on chemo. So he won’t be able to read or watch TV. However, they do get better afterwards, and Mr Clegg can see fine now. He does need to wear sunglasses on certain days when there is a bad glare, but other than that it’s fine.

Mr Clegg had a CD walkman that he listened to a lot. He said the music was soothing. He’s going to send it down to John the next time someone goes down that way. He’s also sending him a brand new electric shaver. Leukemia patients are not allowed to use regular razors because of the lack of clotting, and Mr Clegg was given a whole bunch of shavers to use. He has a new one, still in its box, that he’s going to send down.

People Are So Good

2005-10-31T19:51:00.000+02:00

I’ve already spoken about the multitude of people praying, the messages of support, the meals prepared for my gran etc. But people are so good in so many ways, at times when it really counts.

When my mom went to get the modem cable, she wasn’t sure what it was and phoned Lau at the hospital to talk to the computer shop guy. He asked my mom what it was for, and she told him, and he gave it to her for free. He said he wanted to make a contribution to John getting well again.

When my mom was traveling to Cape Town, someone else on the staff organized with past parents of the school that they could stay in the room they rent out in Knysna for free. Sadly, it was too late to be used on the journey down, but I’m sure the offer would be open if needed again.

AJ took care of one of my relatives, Marie (she’s my great aunt or something like that, but I just called her aunty) many years ago when she had breast cancer. She was treated in East London, and stayed with AJ. Marie told her mother in England about John, and her mom has sent money to AJ, from one mother to another in thanks of the caring AJ did for Marie.

My aunt Helen and her husband Gary have offered to fly family down to Cape Town if needed. Gary worked for many years in distant African countries, and has racked up tons of Voyager Miles, and they’re willingly donating them to help.

Sam, the counsellor from Fort Hare offered to send his laptop to Cape Town with John. John’s friends (I’m not sure who you are, but I like you already) sent a laptop loaded with anime down to him. He can’t watch it, but it was transferred over to Laura’s laptop and left with him.

When my mom heard the news, she told her boss who told her to leave. They arranged for her classes to be taken care of. She took two days off work when the diagnosis was made. Then later, when she decided to go down to Cape Town, other teachers *volunteered* to take her classes and even told her to leave early that day. She didn’t have to find or pay replacements or anything.

Mr O’Lander was a friend of Uncle Peter’s (John’s dad). He’s quite high up at Fort Hare. When he found out about it he told AJ that she must just go, and that she should take as much time off as she needed and not to worry about it.

Mrs Ball, Nicola’s mother, is in Cape Town and has offered to do washing for AJ. Mrs Bailey has done the same. AJ did a lot of sewing for Nicola, and has hosted her family when they were up here for Marisa’s wedding. AJ also did a lot of sewing for Mrs Bailey, and even made priest robes for Reverend Bailey. It’s so good when people can repay that generosity, when it’s most needed.

When my mom and Lau traveled down to Cape Town, the padkos overfloweth. My gran made sandwiches. I bought a stash of stuff. Lau’s digsmates handed over a basket.

Laura’s friend Emma has a daughter who is very sick, and spends lots of time at the hospital. Emma took AJ out to find Wizards, to buy Cool Stuff for John. She bought three war game magazines (Warhammer 40K, White Dwarf, I guess?), but sadly could only take one in as only it came in plastic.

How To Help

2005-10-31T19:45:00.000+02:00

Load airtime onto AJ or John’s phones
Offer AJ lifts whilst in Cape Town (she’ll need groceries, disinfectants and cleaners and craft materials)
Visit John in hospital (if allowed at that time, please check!)
Support Lau
Help send John’s things back to East London
Carry on SMSing and praying
Perhaps collect John’s favourite music and write it to CD for him?
If you’re going to Cape Town from East London or Grahamstown, offer to take things down to them
Host pictures of John and the hospital
Not phone AJ three times a day to get updates
Carry on doing all of the above for as long as it takes!
Donate blood (he’s having multiple transfusions, and if you’re a blood donor he might have your blood)
Support Cansa
Buy Live Strong bracelets (the proceeds go to cancer research)

A Side Note

2005-10-27T12:43:00.000+02:00

I just wanted to thank Sandra, Mutsa (sp?), James & Minz for their support of Lau and Jo over the last patch. I know they can rely on you to be there for them during this time, and it's so great to know that there is someone taking care of Lau. I wish I could be there to eat chocolate brownies and hug her too.

P.S. If someone from the family phones and tells her to pack because she's needed in Cape Town, please tell her to go and that you'll take care of her Year Of Your Life duties. It may very well be the case that two hours of trying to organise that stuff makes the difference between her seeing John alive or not...

Day 11

2005-10-27T12:29:00.000+02:00

First, some older things.

1) My gran smsed John and said that she hopes his eyes get better soon so that he can see all the pretty nurses. Oh lordy, I love my gran. However, if anyone were to make a "hello, nurse!" type comment I would not expect it to be her! She's awesome, and so much stronger than most people think. She really is the backbone of my family, even though no one will admit it.

2) The hospital has a social worker on staff, and her name is Yvonne. My mom says that she's a very nice lady. She's been talking to AJ and apparently it's been helping her. She's also gone in to speak to John, but he's not really up to much right now.

3) When John is feeling well, he can take phone calls. However, they're no real way of telling with any certainty if he's feeling well (although a good indicator is if it's a heavy chemo day, don't call). So you are welcome to call, but if no-one answers then John's not up to talking.

Today is John's last dose of heavy chemo for this bit of treatment. He's having a bed day. He has a splitting headache.

And the AWESOME BRILLIANT FANTASTIC news today:
If things keep on going well, John might be able to spend a bit of time next week as an outpatient at AJ's flat. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Of course, the doctors won't commit and say things like "might", but it's still an awesome sign.

Day 10

2005-10-27T12:12:00.000+02:00

Firstly, apologies for not posting yesterday. I got news late, and was hectically busy. So here's yesterday's news to start with. Also, I need to point out that I'm getting info in dribs and drabs, from a bunch of different sources, and it changes and sometimes contradicts itself. I'm doing the best I can to sort it all out for you guys, but please bear with me.

AJ went to the hospital early, before 8. She walked, and timed her walk. It only took 6 minutes. I think it's about the length of a rugby field.

The doctor said he was happy with the progress, and that things were going according to plan. His white cell count was still high, but well, that's leukemia. He had a quiet and dopey day. They gave him more plasma and more blood. He's having his last batch of heavy chemo tomorrow (Day 11).

Apparently on Day 9 John wanted to have a bath. He's been having showers, but has been feeling really dizzy. It's a side effect of the chemo. Well they got a bath for him, but he was quite perturbed as his nurse refused to leave him, and insisted on scrubbing his back.

His eyes are still a bit alarming. The doctors say that they will take about 3 weeks to come right. One week down, 2 more to go!

They managed to find AJ an atm within walking distance of her flat. My gran's been worried about her getting supplies and things. They're able to get a litre of milk from the restaurant at the hospital every day, which is nice because AJ drinks a lot of milk with her coffee. She's also having her big meal of the day at the restaurant hospital. It's R15 per meal, and is at midday (sp?).

My mom and Laura were going to leave early tomorrow morning (Day 11) to head home. My brother, Adrian, who lives in Cape Town was going to have supper with them tonight. This helped him find AJ's flat. Hopefully he'll be a big support for AJ, and take her shopping when she needs it.

AJ's friends have been truely awesome and have been bringing meals for granny and Frank. I think they have quite a stash of them in the deep freeze. I know my gran appreciates it, particularly at the moment, as she likes to stayed glued to the phone and not having to cook enables her to do that. Glenda arrived with a spaghetti dish. I know that Beryl has brought food too. I'm not sure who the others are, but if you're one of them your efforts are appreciated and they are making a difference!

BEST NEWS OF THE DAY
The hospital said they can hook John's laptop up to the Net! He just needed to get a modem cable (?), which my mom rushed around and found for him. They haven't hooked him up yet, and with his eyes still so bad at the moment they're probably not in any rush to, but when he's up to it he should be online shortly! My cousin is *so* awesome - who else, lying in a hospital bed with a Dread Disease gets hooked up to the net?

Day 9

2005-10-25T18:06:00.000+02:00

Today is another heavy chemo day. AJ went in to see John this morning, and said that he was peaceful. He’s been walking in the passage, and they brought an exercise bike in to his room. He managed to cycle for 1 minute, and is very proud of himself. He had a good night’s sleep last night.

Apparently the Rhodes IT department was in town for a conference, and came to visit him. I’m sure it meant a lot to him. However, he did say to them that he wasn’t sure if he would be able to write exams. He doesn’t seem to know that it’s going to be at least 6 months, to a year, before he’ll be able to do anything like that. I’m not sure why he doesn’t know, but I think the big thing is to keep him motivated, and if thinking he’s going to be out of hospital soon helps him, then that’s ok.

This morning he had diarrhea and an upset tummy. It’s a side effect of the chemo, and the doctors have been expecting it. Now that the kidneys have been sorted out, and they’ve figured out what was happening with his eyes, it’s going to be straightforward chemo. And so far he’s been reacting to the chemo at the doctors have expected. He’s being constantly monitored. His eye started bleeding during the kidney surgery, and that’s why his vision has been so bad. There was pressure building on the vein, and it burst. However, the good news is that it doesn’t require surgery to fix, and the doctors say that if they leave it, it will sort itself out.

Today was scheduled for a big chemo dose. John had been sleeping this afternoon, but had been cheerful when awake. The tummy settled itself later.

AJ signed a lease on the granny flat last night. My mom took her to do a massive grocery shop. She’s taken AJ all over, so that she gets to know the area. They bought her wool and knitting needles, as well as a pile of second hand books. My mom says that AJ is doing much better than she was when she first arrived. She says that getting the flat sorted out, and AJ realizing that it’s going to be long-term, have helped. They’re moving her into it this afternoon, so she can sleep there and determine whether there is anything else she needs.

My mom says that Laura has been doing fine. She’s been spending as much time as possible at the hospital. She knows quite a few people in Cape Town, as she stayed there for a while for her studies. She’s going back to Grahamstown with my mom. She’ll be able to pack up John’s things from the flat etc.

When my mom leaves, other relatives of ours arrive. And then later, in November, my aunt Helen will be there to support AJ.

The parcel we sent down with Ryan had arrived.

John had emailed Laura some photos of him, before things had gotten so bad. I've been trying to get them, but am having problems. I will hopefully be able to post them, and the ones my mom took whilst in Cape Town, soon.

Day 8

2005-10-24T16:27:00.000+02:00

Things are looking cheerful. Dr du Toit was there for a long time today, talking to Laura. Apparently he was very impressed with what she's doing (not sure if that's referring to the Year Of Your Life, or the astrophysics). My gran asked AJ if he was single.... In the midst of everything, people still want to live happily ever after....

The doctor said that he was "cautiously optimistic", for the first time. He is very weak. He's been a little bit nauseous, but better than the last time. He has a sore head. He managed to walk down the passage twice. My mom said that the doctors said that "the life-threatening crisis MAY be over". Up to now it's been touch and go, but he seems to be out of extreme danger for now. However there is still a long way to go. If things continue as they are until the end of next week, he was be able to move back into the normal oncology ward (called the Sunshine Ward). He's really keen for that, and is pushing himself to get better ASAP. At the moment, he's having chemo every day, but gets a massive dose every second day.

My mom found AJ a flatlet near the hospital, as she needs long-term accommodation. It's two blocks away from the hospital. My mom is taking AJ to move in there this evening, and to find the closest shops. It's self-catering, and "very nice". However, it's expensive. But the family is going to cover the cost, as expense is really not the most important thing right now. It has a couble bed, a kitchenette, a dining room, and a lounge with two futons which fold out. They took it mainly because it has options for other people to come down and stay with her.

AJ's friends have been great, and have been bringing supper around for granny and Frank. Granny sent John another sms today :) and came around and watered my mom's pot plants for her.

Day 7 (more)

2005-10-24T16:20:00.000+02:00

John was expected to have a bad day because it was a day for heavy chemo, but it was better than expected. He's very weak, very tired. His eyesight is very bad at the moment. He's trying to answer smses twice a day.

My mom is going to leave early on Thursday and get home on Friday.

Laura stayed with John in the afternoon, as he was feeling up to it. She later went to church (making my mom drive her 20kms!)...

Constantiaberg Medi-Clinic

2005-10-23T16:47:00.000+02:00

Here is a link to the Constantiaberg Medi-Clinic, where John is.

Day 7

2005-10-23T16:36:00.000+02:00

My mom was able to go in and see John this morning. She and Laura went in, with AJ deciding to take the afternoon shift as it was going to be post-chemo, and therefore quite rough. This morning John had a shower, and got to put on some boxers! He was apparently quite chirpy. His eyesight it very blurred at the moment, however. He also managed to walk down the passage in his room. The doctors wanted him to walk it twice, and he did it 6 times! Go John! Awesome, like wow, like totally freak me out! The chemo was scheduled to start at 11ish.

The nurse he has assigned to him (who is with him 24/7) is the same nurse who cared for Mr Clegg, a teacher at my mom's school. Apparently the nurse was able to tell my mom quite a bit more info, but sadly she hasn't shared it yet.

I went round to help out my gran earlier. Roz Furman, Catherine's mother came for tea. She said that today was St Alban's healing Sunday, and that the congregation prayed for John. He's also been passed on to the prayer circle. And tonight, at the youth service, they're going to be praying for him some more. As I was saying, half the known universe....

Ryan was able to organise some stuff getting sent down to Cape Town. Apparently one of the Chrysalis guys is going to visit someone in the same hospital, and was only too happy to take things. We sent down more boxers for John, and some warm clothing for AJ and Lau as it's cold in CT right now. Granny and Frank wrote letters for him too, which I think is great.

A bit of bad news, which I only found out today, is that the doctors say that if the Dread Disease had been left untreated for one more week John wouldn't have made it. So much for that early diagnosis theory...

Day 6 (more)

2005-10-23T16:28:00.000+02:00

So, here's more of Day 6. Laura and AJ stayed at the hospital. My mom was off to Pick 'n Pay to get some groceries and organize supper. The place they're staying is more like rooms with a shared kitchen than a flat. It's very peaceful there, apparently. It's also very close to the hospital. My mom is booked in till Wednesday night. I'm hoping to convince her to stay longer.

John had a good day, especially compared with yesterday. He has black eyes though, and keeps them scrunched up. My mom was able to talk to him through the outside window, as his room is on the ground floor. He was sitting up in bed.

My mom later left Laura with John, and took AJ to get her things from the Baileys, which was quite far away. The nurses and doctors are apparently monitoring his count (platelet? red blood cells?), but that's normal.

Laura brought her own laptop, and apparently some of John's friends loaded a laptop full of Cool Stuff for him and sent it down. They went immediately into the process of being sanitized (I wonder how you sanitize a laptop? Delete all the Microcrap?)

Day 6

2005-10-22T14:19:00.000+02:00

My mom and Laura left Knysna *early* in the morning. They reached Cape Town at 11ish, and Laura was on her way in to John's room by 12:30. My mom was able to wave at John through the window. She was then going to be off to organise the key for the flat they're staying in. It's a police holiday apartment. It's pretty basic, and is self-catering, but it's in walking distance of both the hospital and a Pick 'n Pay. I think it will make a big difference, as AJ is currently waiting till all hours for lifts from the Baileys (he's a pastor and thus has a great number of evening functions). John was sitting up in bed, and had a big plate of dinner in front of him that he was tucking in to. That's the good news of the day. He hasn't been able to keep anything down for the last three days (the anti-nausea medication wasn't working too well for him) due the the effects of the chemo. But today he was able to have some cereal for breakfast, and was obviously about to try out lunch. That's all for now, I'll come down and update you guys tomorrow, probably at about 4:30ish.

Day 5

2005-10-22T13:53:00.000+02:00

I'm getting confused with all this "yesterday, today and tomorrow" stuff, so I've decided to number the days and report on them accordingly. Here is my day numbering schedule for previous posts/days:

Day 1: Tuesday, Dread Disease diagnosed
Day 2: Wednesday, airlift to Cape Town, first chemo
Day 3: Thursday, long op
Day5: Friday, op recovery
Day 6: Saturday, Laura arrived

Day 5

John had a lumbar puncture (painful) in the morning. The results came back that day, and showed that his spinal fluid and brain were clear of the Dread Disease. And you don't need to be a brain surgeon to figure out that that's good news, but I'm sure it helps. He was very out of it for during the day.

His phone inbox is full! Well done! Excellent work guys! He wasn't able to read, or reply to, his messages though, as he was having difficulties with his eyes. He was planning to get busy reading them and replying on Day 6.

My mom picked his sister, Laura, up at 2. She had to wait while Laura packed (what on earth could have kept her from doing so the night before?). They were initially planning to stay with family in PE, but the aforementioned family happened to be away for the weekend and thus they drove further. They ended up staying in Knysna. They had booked into one place, but it looked so dodgy they just drove past it and found another to stay at. They're taking 2(!) laptops down for John, so I'm sure he's going to be happy with that.

In the afternoon I went round to my gran's. The phone is ringing constantly at their house, and she doesn't want to be out of phone range in case AJ calls with news. So I had a shift (wo)manning the phone while she washed her hair. I then started teaching her how to sms. I think it's so sweet that she sent her first sms to John.

I spent the evening at Chris's house, with Chris, Josh, Shan and Ann. They were some tense moments when Chris received a phone call from AJ, and walked outside with it. Everyone stared at him, hoping that it was not The Worst. He picked up on this (perceptive fellow that he is), and walked close to the door and said "Excellent" really loudly, and we all started breathing again. John's going to be on heavy chemo every second day. He'll be on it for at least 2 weeks. So after that I'm guessing there'll be a spell in which his immune system rebuilds itself, and after that he'll be an outpatient until the next dose of chemo.

John has been upset that he'll be losing the hair that has taken so long to grow. Josh and Chris have decided to shave their hair in sympathy. We're going to try to get Ryan and Darren to do it too. John should have just over a week till it goes, and when it does the shaving will commence. We're thinking we'll take pictures and MMS them to him. If anyone else wants to join the effort, please do. I'll let you know when it takes place.

I also spoke to my supervisor in the morning, and have been able to negotiate an extension. Well, she wants to give me an extension. I want to finish my course work this year, and then register again next year and hand in my thesis. I think that's a better plan.

News

2005-10-21T12:39:00.000+02:00

The surgery took longer than expected yesterday. It took about 2 hours. It was a bad day for John. He's been put in isolation, and has a nurse with him constantly. Only AJ and Laura will be allowed in, wearing masks and protective clothing etc.

My mom is picking up Laura, John's sister, and is driving down to Cape Town to support AJ. She left at about 12. They'll be stopping somewhere overnight and arriving tomorrow. We've found accomodation that is really close by to the hospital, and the people say they can stay as long as they like.

I'm not sure if John can take phone calls at this stage, but smses are welcome. At this stage I don't think emails are getting through, but as soon as I have a more stable email address I'll let everyone know. The messages are making a big difference. Thank s for the support and prayers, please keep it up, especially for the next few days.

John had a friend called Janine, and she went to His People. I think they lost touch, but I'm sure he'd love to hear from her. If anyone has her number, could you please let her know what's going on.

This Morning's News

2005-10-20T13:13:00.000+02:00

I got an sms from AJ and I spoke to John this morning. He’s going in for surgery, under general anaesthetic, at 2:30 this afternoon. They’re going to flush his kidneys, and insert an IV line into his chest and another near his collarbone. The IV lines will be used for chemo. If you put chemo through a regular drip-type line, it kills off the veins one by one, but this way they can use the same line for all the treatment. He is still going to have the splint on his right hand for his other drips, to keep his hydrated etc. He said that first dose of chemo was half a dozen pills, and they didn’t taste great, but he wasn’t really phased by that. A good sign.

AJ said that so far his treatment has been going according to plan, so that’s a really good sign.

John said he’s been kept amused by tons of smses from Jason, The World’s Shortest Philosopher. Something about waafi (sp?) points….

The food at this hospital is infinitely better than at St Doms. Last night he had a boerewors roll for supper. They didn’t let him eat much this morning though, as he has surgery later.

He is currently sharing a room with Herman, who has been giving him good advice. He will be getting a room to himself either later today or tomorrow.

John said that the thing with chemo is that it destroys his immune system. This is good, because his immune system is attacking his blood, but bad because he is going to be very susceptible to illness. So, as he says, “life is pretty much sanitized”. I guess that means he can’t watch MTV. He said that the chemo will probably take 2-3 days, but then he’ll be in hospital for 2-3 weeks while his immune system rebuilds itself. After that he’ll be able to go home (I’m not sure if they mean home as in East London, or just outpatient in Cape Town). When he is home he’ll have to wash his hands really often, and can’t be around children or shopping malls. He won’t be able to eat cheese or pate either. Basically, if he eats food, it must come out of the wrapper and go straight into his mouth. He will be allowed to drink coke though, but it must be done quickly.

More About Yesterday

2005-10-20T13:10:00.000+02:00

When I got to the hospital, John was walking and wearing his jeans. It was kind of funny, because when the guys from the Air Medical Services arrived they brought a stretcher, and were obviously expecting him to be in a totally dire state. They were cool and organized a wheelchair for him instead, and he got into the ambulance on his own. It was also a bit weird cos the doctor was wearing jeans, and I expected the guy wearing the jeans to be the driver, and it was only after he introduced himself that I realized I needed to show him the deference one normally associates with a doctor. He was from Cape Town, and started talking about how nice the East London weather is compared to Cape Town. They asked John if he wanted to sit on the plane, but later made him lie down, and strapped him in and hooked him up to a heart monitor, ECG machine and put on an oxygen mask. I think it was his first time in a plane, and AJ had asked him to spot Table Mountain and Robben Island from the air, but sadly he was unable to do that cos of the cyborg nature of his subjectivity at the time.

At the meeting that AJ had with the doctor she was told that they were going to knock him out with sedatives tonight so that he could get a really good night’s sleep, and then do more tests tomorrow, including another bone marrow test (ow!). The doctor also said that the treatment was probably going to be an intensive chemo course, followed by an outpatient spell (with him coming in for daily chemo and check ups), followed by another intensive chemo course.

When he arrived he was totally whacked. That’s mom and AJ slang for really really tired, and it’s pretty different from Zimbo slang for whack. He was apparently also pretty cheerful, which is good to hear.

The hospital is totally luxurious. He’s sharing a room with another young guy who’s having chemo. Which is nice, because he’ll have company and be around someone who’s going through the same things. They each have their own TV’s, but sadly no net connection.

I blogged, and let Discus know, and he obviously let Warped know, cos he got hold of me to get John’s cell number. It’s his same old number, just a new phone. Apparently they’re linking my blog to the Forums. Warped accidentally phoned me whilst trying to get hold of John. These alleged geeks who don’t know how to use their phones properly (*poke* -> that’s for kicking me off the Forums!).

While all this was happening, my mom had tea with my gran and John’s grandpa. They’re both pretty worried and jittery, but luckily my gran’s brother and his wife were down from their farm and I think they were a calming presence. My gran’s brother pulled my mom aside and told her that she must tell AJ that no treatment is to be spared, no matter how expensive, and that he’ll willingly pay for anything that’s needed. Family is cool like that. My other aunt, Helen, Gary’s wife is set to visit Cape Town for a weekend at the beginning of November, and I’m glad about that too because I’m sure AJ will need some love and support around that time too.

However, later the doctors changed their plan. They sent him for X-rays at about 5pm, and took more blood for tests. John was having stomachaches, and when they did the X-rays they discovered that he has Kidney Clotting Failure. Apparently it’s to be expected, and they know how to deal with it. It’s more uncomfortable than it is serious. They’re still going to do the bone marrow tomorrow. They decided to start chemo at about 8:40pm, and John took his first chemo pill. He smsed me, and I quote “Chemo started 3 minutes ago. Yum.” I was worried that they rushed him into chemo, but I think it’s actually a good sign, because they wouldn’t have if they didn’t think he was able to handle it. Today the chemo will get more intense and he’ll have both pills and a drip. Apparently the thing with chemo is that it has a cumulative effect, and so it’ll make him feel worse and worse as the treatment progresses. Also, he’ll get very nauseous when the chemo is heavy. But I think we should take that as a cue to phone as much as possible now, because it’s still light and he can handle a billion calls and he might do better with having only smses and emails later.

The doctors will know a lot more today, after they get the test results back. Also, they’ll see how he responds to chemo. They’ll come up with a treatment plan for him then. My mom’s going to let me know as soon as we hear from AJ, so I’ll let y’all know then too.

John’s Einstein ‘do is going to turn into a Powder ‘do in about two weeks. He also said that you can phone any time, but before 9pm nets a prize. I don’t know what kind of prize, but I have a feeling it’ll be a cool one like in those cereal boxes. I asked him if he had any messages for the krazy kool peeps who’ll be reading this, and he said “I’d offer live streaming via my webpage if I could, and thought anyone was keen”. What was I saying about the geek and the computer lab?

I don’t really know what the coming months hold, but I have a pretty strong feeling that I’m going to be awed and humbled by how strong my cousin is.

Gift ideas:
Send John airtime for his phone, so he can sms people and download games to stop the boredom.

Wednesday Morning

2005-10-19T15:09:00.001+02:00

My mom took AJ to the airport this morning. While she was there they inquired about the Mercy Flight, and got a bunch of different stories. AJ arrived safely in Cape Town, and was picked up by Gary and taken to the hospital (after an unexpected wait). She spent the morning doing the paperwork and seeking a place to smoke.

My mom got hold of St Doms, and they told us that John was leaving at 10:30. We went down a bit early, at 10. They let me in to see him, so we spent an hour chatting. We spoke about all the hospital movies and TV shows that we could remember, like Patch Adams and Scrubs. Greg A SMSed in this time. Apparently Steve Jobs of Apple was diagnosed with one of the worst strains of the Dread Disease. They gave him 3 months to live. And that was 5 years ago. It’s good to hear stories like these. I got to ride in the ambulance to the airport with John. We were cracking stupid silly jokes to keep our minds off things. “How appropriate you fight like a cow”. The plane took off at 11:30, and they said it would take two hours, so it would have landed at 13:30. They said that he would be settled in hospital by 3. So if you want to get hold of him (please do), after 3 today would be a good time.

At about 1 AJ was called by the doctors. We haven’t heard the news yet.

Secret Road Trips

2005-10-19T15:09:00.000+02:00

Last night a bunch of John’s friends (and myself) discovered that we were all planning a Secret Road Trip to Cape Town after our exams. This discovery led to the suggestion of a Joint Secret Road Trip (The John Bus, with slogan “John or Bust”). Of course, this is all rather premature as we don’t know exact details regarding his treatment, but if you too thought about planning a Secret Road Trip then perhaps you should let us know, and we can either stagger the visits or get hold of some kind of communal transport and go together.

The Worst Birthday Ever

2005-10-19T15:07:00.000+02:00

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: The anti-Christian messages, feminist rantings and general whininess that you have come to expect from this blog has been temporarily disrupted, by Something Important.

My cousin John (Johenius, Joe Heinous, Joseph Atrocious) came home to celebrate his birthday this weekend. On Friday night he went to hang out at Allen’s house, and when he came out his mom’s car had been stolen, including his cell phone which it contained. Numerous drivings around town to spot the car yielded no clues. Okay, you think, that’s a terrible birthday? But wait, it gets worse!

So the next day, after reporting the theft to the police, John goes to see the doctor. He had been feeling run down for a while, having had a bout of flu which he had not recovered from. The doctor takes samples, and states what he suspects to be the problem. The suggested treatment at this stage is a 6 month course of cortisone (roids!), which John is rather happy about. However, he is told to go to the Path Labs for further tests (bone marrow – ow!) on Monday. Of course, all of this could not disrupt the game of Warhammer 40K being conducted in the back yard that afternoon. Neither can it replace the joy of the mountain of home cooked crumpets Aunty Jan (henceforth known as AJ) made :)

So John went for the bone marrow test on Monday. On Tuesday morning (early) the doctor phoned and told John and Jan to come and see him urgently. Which they did. He then broke the news that John has leukemia (henceforth dubbed the Dread Disease, because it’s funnier and easier to spell). John was to be airlifted to a clinic in Plumstead in Cape Town for treatment, as soon as possible. The good news is that they have caught is early, and that it is treatable. The bad news is that they don’t yet know what strain of Dread Disease it is, and therefore we have no idea what treatment will involve or how long it will take.

John was rushed to the hospital, and spent the day having blood transfusions. Aunty Jan was with him the whole day, and my mom took the day off from work to be there. As he was wheeled into his room, he met Lee Sundberg (of Chrysalis) who had been ministering to the lady who had been there before him. Lee stayed and ministered to John, and then got hold of Alan Molyneux, who arrived within 10 minutes and ministered too. I’ve always had a great deal of respect for that man. As soon as I heard, I went round to their house. Granny was busy with washing and ironing AJ’s clothes to take to Cape Town. I organized getting him a new cell phone, and helped granny sort out finances. I also bought him some chick manga, and the O’Landers, seeing this, then bought out the rest of the manga stock at Exclusive Books. He now has Dragonball Z and Yugi Oh! That’s the second biggest manga vault I’ve ever seen. My mom helped organize AJ a place to stay in Cape Town (with the Baileys). Gary, my uncle, is down there for a week, so he’s going to pick AJ up from the airport and lift her. We received *tons* of phone calls and had many messages of support. So I missed the afternoon visiting session, but apparently he had *tons* of visitors, and everybody was really lighthearted and upbeat. One of John’s closest and oldest friends is a survivor of the Dread Disease, and I know his presence was really comforting to all.

I went to visit John in the evening. Granny and Frank went too, but didn’t stay long as they did not want to tire him out. Shanine, Chris, Ryan, Josh, Darren, Aunty Beryl (Wesley’s mom) and someone I didn’t know were also there. It was actually a pretty social occasion, with John taking calls from a number of people, including Catherine F. There were tons of bone marrow jokes and the forming of a Dread Disease Club, which excluded everyone except John and Chris. The slightly good news is that John is feeling comfortable in his hospital bed, as it is surrounded by the comforting whirrs and bleeps of electronic equipment. You can take the geek out of the computer lab, but you can’t take the computer lab out of the geek. I passed on the message from Dom White that “the kiddies send their love”. At this, his face scrunched up into an expression of painful humor at the obviously ridiculous message. I also passed on the message from Discus, which led to much musings about the communication channels at varsity, and wondering whether it was the forums or the IRC that was breaking the news. Apparently most of the known universe is praying for John, including Chris’s ex-girlfriend’s church, VMC, HP GHT, among others. I know he’s feeling very loved, as did not realize how many great friends he had until now. The one thing John regrets is not buying his laptop. Much speculation ensued about the possibility of wireless internet existing in the hospital in Cape Town. The possibility of John mobile blogging is being investigated, which should be fun because his phone has a camera in it, and soon we all could be sharing with him in that fun res game classic, Name That Mysterious Meat.

AJ asks that everyone keep in touch as much as possible. She will be able to get his email for him, so if you mail him it will get through (although it will go via her). SMSes and calls are welcome, although he will be flying this morning (unsure of times as it will depend on the weather) so later is better.

NB: JOHN HAS A NEW CELLPHONE, SO YOU CAN SMS OR PHONE HIM. HOWEVER, HE HAS LOST YOUR NUMBERS, SO YOU NEED TO GET HOLD OF HIM AND GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBERS AGAIN. YUSUF, THIS MEANS YOU. (I put the numbers of his friends that I had in, but I’m missing most of his Grahamstown friends).

Pic of the Week

2005-10-17T19:45:00.000+02:00

Now that I've figured out how to post pics, I think I'm going to try an ongoing series of stuff I like. It's mostly going to be R:E:M:, I reckon. Here's a lovely one of Michael Stipe, for starters.

My "Rampant Feminism"

2005-10-17T19:21:00.000+02:00

I don’t really know what to say about this. I’ve written about a lot of my experiences as a woman, and a lot of that has been about frustration, anger and confusion. I seem to have acquired the image of a rampant feminist, which, quite frankly, is a little off my understanding of myself. Don’t get me wrong, I think feminism is valuable, underrated, and has made some amazing contributions to life of people in general. Of course, as with everything, there are high and low points to it. Personally, I really don’t get Mary Daly and Radical Feminism. I kinda like men, and I don’t think they’re responsible for all the evils ever perpetrated on earth. On the other hand, men are definitely privileged and women are assigned lower status. To me, this is an injustice to both men and women. I like to think we’re capable of a whole lot more, and that having more equal positions would be beneficial to society in general. It’s a point I’ve made on my blog several times, and according to certain readers this makes me a rampant feminist. I entirely disagree, but hey, I love a good argument and am a passionately opinionated person, so if that’s what people want to think about me they can, although I reserve the right to dispute this assigned identity with every fibre of my being.

But back to feminism in general, I think sometimes people forget where we were even a couple of years ago, so here are some examples from my mom’s life. When my mom started working, she was not paid as much as the men were, because it wasn’t a woman’s place to work and have a career. This was legal. Nowadays, the laws have changed, but sadly they’ve had little effect and most women are still paid less than men. Simply for being women. Also, legislation prevented women from being appointed to permanent posts. Even if they had better qualifications and more experience than men. They were only offered temporary employment, because they are supposed to get pregnant, go on maternity leave and raise their children. When my mom was at school, she wanted to study science. This meant that she had to move to a certain school, because there was only one school in the Border area that allowed women to study science (after all, science is the province of men). My dad was retrenched numerous times (and as far as I know, is still unemployed) so my mom wanted to put the family on her medical aid, as she was more stably employed. But legislation prevented this. Yes, women were barred from being the primary beneficiary of medical aid schemes, because, you guessed it, it wasn’t a woman’s place to be the provider for her family.

You know what, when I look at this, and these things occurred in my lifetime, I get angry and I don’t understand. Why should my family be deprived of medical aid because of my dad’s alcoholism? What’s wrong with my mom having a job or career? Why can’t my mom study science if she wants to?

Thankfully with the New South Africa, this gender discriminatory legislation has been repealed. However, this hasn’t done much for the position of women in general. Women are increasingly being raped, beaten and murdered, most often by their male partners. The stats on AIDS indicate that a woman is *more* likely to get infected if she is married…. I think that’s appalling.

I think these things are wrong. I think that men and women should be open to do a whole bunch of things. I think women should be able to walk down the streets without fear of being raped. I really wish that I could walk around my neighbourhood without fearing the men I see, and wondering if I’ll get added to the daily rape toll reported in the newspaper. I think women should be able to love a man without having him have multiple other partners and control of the condoms. I think women, particularly poor women, often work harder than men, and carry a far greater burden. Not only do they care for their families and households, but they also earn money and provide financially for them.

I guess these are bigger issues that I want fixed. There are also a bunch of smaller issues which bug me, and I don’t understand. Things like guys saying stuff like “you’re such a girl”, “you throw like a girl”, or “you walk like a girl”. I mean, what do these insults add to the conversation? If you want to insult somebody, why is it necessary to insult women in the same breath? Why not just say “don’t be a scaredy cat”? Why aren’t the following said: “you throw like a blind person”, or “you throw like a kaffir”? I mean, why is it ok to insult the way girls throw, but it’s not ok to insult blind or black people?

I guess if all that makes me a rampant feminist, ok. But to be frank, if that’s rampant feminism I don’t understand why it’s so maligned, because I think these are good things not only for women but for society in general.

Bono & Christianity

2005-10-17T19:09:00.000+02:00

I really like Bono. I really hate Bono. I find the man fascinating, and would love to be able to get behind the larger than life persona and figure out what it is that makes him tick. Anyway, I was a really big U2 fan for a number of years, although in the last bit o’ time that’s decreased pretty drastically. I didn’t enjoy How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb very much, in complete contradiction with the critical acclaim it received. Anyway, as I read the Sunday Times (as you can tell from other blog entries), I came across a book review for the book Bono On Bono. A lot of Christians seem to disown him, and I think that’s a huge injustice. If I was Christian (and when I was Christian), he’s one of the few that I’d be proud of. God knows he’s done more for the planet and its people than most officially Christian bands. Of course, Live 8 was patronizing and presented a pretty crap view of Africa, but I guess there’s a point where you have to grateful for anything that aims to make a difference, and if presenting Africa in that way helped it’s kind of ok with me. I mean, it would have been infinitely better if they had promoted tourism and African music and clothing (and actually had African people playing), but something is better than nothing. Anyway, I just thought I’d quote a few pieces of the article to back up my views on his faith:

“Bono is surprisingly candid. He describes his Irish childhood, his taut relationship with his father, his unwavering Christian faith and his encounter with Pope John Paul (the big guy tried on his sunglasses). As a political activist and founder of DATA (Debt Aids Trade Africa) he quotes the Bible, saying: “Love thy neighbour is not advice, it’s a command”. In fact, Bono quotes the good book quite a bit.

In their final conversation Assayas asks what Bono imagines God would say to him. “’Be silent, and know that I am God’. That’s a favourite line from the Scriptures. ‘Shut up and let me love you’ would be the pop song…”

He was on Oprah quite a while ago to publicise his quest to get the US government to increase Aid to Africa and drop farm subsidies and import tariffs. While he was there Oprah asked him about his faith, and he spoke very well (I thought) about how he’s comfortable in any kind of church, whether it’s a fancy cathedral or a tent revival, as long as the Holy Spirit is present. I just that was awesome (I was Christian at the time). Anyway, I hope that entry has been able to give people a better view of his faith than that presented from pulpits generically decrying the evils of rock ‘n roll (and all secular music). He’s one of the few Christians that I look up to, even though I disagree with him on many things….

One of my favourite lyrics from a song *ever* is from a U2 song. It’s a song about compassion and loving gay people, or the lack thereof. It's called One. It goes like this

“We’re one, but we’re not the same, we’ve got to carry each other, carry each other”

I think it’s brilliant because it captures so much of my understanding and mission in life in one simple line. So thanks Bono, I appreciate it.

P.S. I’m a member of DATA. You can sign up at their website….

Foxy Lady

2005-10-17T18:40:00.000+02:00

So I have a foxy new look to my blog. Thanks so much for the compliments :) It was inspired by REM (who else?!), more specifically one of my favourite REM albums and the first I ever owned. It's the beautiful Up (which was slated by critics) and has been a good friend to me over the years. I love this cover, it's my favourite of all my CD's. If I had my own kitchen, I think I would tile it in the colours on this cover! Anyway, it felt right to make the blog more personal....

Here is a pic of the Up cover:

I have a feeling that it was inspired by Paul Klee, an artist whom Michael Stipe likes. More specifically, I think it's inspired by Unstable Equilibrium:

Ok, well they both have squares and arrows.... The album was created during a rough time in the band's history, as drummer Bill Berry left. I think the album art kind of represents this - turbulence (unstable), but returning and creating a new norm (equilibrium). Oh well, that's just what I think....

Christianity & REM

2005-10-14T17:42:00.000+02:00

A lot of people seem to be labouring under some misconceptions about REM and Christianity. The biggest one is that Losing My Religion is about religion. Sadly, it’s not. Losing My Religion is a Southern saying, expressing the hope of having a relationship with someone you’re totally in love with going up in flames, because they don’t feel the same about you. It’s about unrequited love. Personally, I’ve thought it’s been about religion for enough years to decide to choose the religion meaning of the song. So for me the song’s about religion, although officially it’s not. On the other hand, there are probably two great REM songs that do deal with religion that I really relate to. There are quite a few REM songs about religion, but these are my favourites.

The first of these songs is called Hope. Some of my favourite lines from it are:

“You want to trust religion
and you know it’s allegory
but the people who are followers
have written their own story.
so you look up to the heavens
and you hope that it’s a spaceship
and it’s something from your childhood
you’re thinking don’t be frightened”

For me, it expresses the frustration that I have with many current versions of Christianity. There are far too many things that I feel are really just stories, and that I think people take *way* out of context and try to create Life Principles from. I think that’s really, really dangerous. But I have no way of explaining so many things in life (although, on the other hand, Christianity has the same problem, just with different things), and I would prefer there to be aliens than that the Christian God existed in some kind of positivistic ontological way. And then I think that my fear of not being able to explain things can be traced from my childhood, when I did believe in Christianity and I was used to having answers for certain kinds of questions. These days, I tend to think the questions are the wrong questions, but every now and again one sneaks up on me and I believe it for a second, and I think that’s because of my childhood believing in such things. I bought the Around The Sun tour poster for the Cape Town concert I attended off the REM HQ website (the tour posters are all fantastic and I wish I could buy them all, particularly the Cardiff, Brisbane, Cologne and Birmingham ones), and it has a picture of a spaceship on it. I like it, because it reminds me of this song and my connection to it. This song is on Up, the first REM album I owned. I’ve listened to it for many years, and still love it.

The second song is New Test Leper, off the album New Adventure In Hi-Fi (one of the most brilliant fucking albums I own). It starts off like this:

“I can’t say that I love Jesus
that would be a hollow claim
he did make some observations
and I’m quoting them today

Judge not lest ye be judged
What a beautiful refrain
The studio audience disagrees
Have his lambs all gone astray?”

Christianity has had a profound impact on my life, and definitely forms the basis of my moral code. I don’t deny that. And I don’t deny some of the beauty that I find in the bible. The most profound thing in it, for me, is the understanding that love is at the root of all the commandments, and that by loving you fulfill the full extent of the law. I get frustrated because there are so many churches that break that down into these stupid little petty by-laws, about what music you should listen to, or how you should date someone, or what you should wear if you’re in the Praise ‘n Worship band. For me, these things all miss the point. They’re petty and pharisaical – IMO they’re the very things that Jesus came to eliminate. I think he would hate those churches. Probably the second best thing in the whole bible is it’s beautiful lack of clarity with regard to love. Love is mentioned many times, and has multiple meanings. I think that that’s beautiful. Because, ultimately, no book can teach you how to love. It’s something you have to learn for yourself. You have to make those mistakes, you have to figure out a better way, you have to fall and get your heart broken and learn about not breaking the hearts of others. Those are things that no book can teach you, even if you believe that it is The Word Of God. For me, love is probably the ultimate life project. I’m only 26, and I’ve already had my understandings of it flipped inside out and on their head many times. And I think that’s necessary. I think that you only learn to love by living it, and I think that Jesus would probably be pretty happy that I think that. Anyway, back to the song. “I can’t say that I love Jesus, that would be a hollow claim”. That’s true for me. I try to respect Christianity, and take a balanced view on it (and often fail miserably, but I try some more then), and it has influenced me in profound ways, but ultimately, I don’t love Jesus. I guess that’s what I like about this song. It shows respect for the religion, whilst being honest about Michael’s (Stipe, he writes the lyrics) position, and at the same time expresses the frustration that those who often express deep belief are often those who do not act in ways compatible with the best aspects of the Christian faith.

Some churches and Christians seem to feel the need to categorise the world (oh, sorry, not The World, that’s Evil, rather erm, Things?) into Christian and Non-Christian (don’t you love the way all differences and meanings are erased as large chunks of life and meaning are termed simply “Non-Christian”). It’s a stupid and dangerous game. It’s really something that comes in with the way you interpret the bible, and many other Christians don’t do it. But anyway, since I know people who seem to think that doing so is A Good And Helpful Thing (god help ‘em) let me make their lives a little easier. REM is Non-Christian. Mike Mill and Peter Buck are atheists. Michael Stipe does not belong to any kind of churchified Christianity, but does have respect and some kind of belief in it. His parents are Southern Methodist, and he was raised in it.

Anyway, I guess the reason I really wanted to write about this is because I know what I would think of myself, if I was the same person I was 3 years ago. I would think that my love of REM was a way of filling the god-shaped hole inside me. I just want to say that that’s not true. REM is REM, god was god. There are times when I use REM lyrics I like and connect with to make my life richer, but I don’t use it like I would use a bible. My REM fandom is a choice. I’m not using REM to run away from god. I’m very aware of where I stand with the Christian conception of God, and of my spirituality in general. I have definite beliefs and understandings. I don’t have a hole. REM, and music more generally, is a growing interest, as is my interest in art (I really like Klimt – he paints the most beautiful and sexy women). So there! *laughs at self for being so defensive* *thinks self needs to ignore what Christians think of self*

Taboo

2005-10-14T17:38:00.000+02:00

I was listening to 5FM as I occasionally do when I’m bored (they play terrible music these days), and I heard this song called “Taboo” by The DNA something or other (as I was saying about the terrible music). Anyway, it has the wonderfully deep lyrics that follow:

“When you claim there’s a God that’s objectively true it’s taboo”
“When I claim the resurrection is true it’s taboo”

Now a lot of people think Christians are less intelligent or academically rigorous, and really, when you look at these lines you can see why. A taboo is something that’s repressed, considered shameful. According to the Oxford Dictionary, a taboo is: “a system or the act of setting a person or thing apart as sacred, prohibited or accursed”, or “a prohibition or restriction imposed on certain behaviour, word usage, etc., by social custom”. An example of a taboo is incest. Now, let’s just look at the differences between incest and Christianity. Incest is a crime; Christianity is protected and respected by most laws around the world. People who sleep with their children are social outcasts; people who are Christians join institutions of other people who are Christians. Incest is frowned upon by political parties; Christians form their own Christian political parties (my count at the last election I voted in was 7 in South Africa!). Nobody would ever admit or be proud of incest; Christians wear t-shirts, write music, perform plays, buy wrist bands with Christian slogans, put stickers on their cars, have music videos playing on MTV (anyone remember the Kanye West Jesus Walks video on high rotation?) etc. See, there’s a *slight* difference between Christianity and a taboo. I’m not denying that there are certain settings in which Christianity is not held in high esteem or encouraged, but it’s definitely not taboo. So the question, you ask, is why are Christians claiming Christianity as a taboo? My answer (my humble opinion) is that by saying that Christianity is frowned upon or taboo (which it is not according to the examples I’ve cited) it encourages Christians to speak out about their Christianity, and instills a (false) sense of daring and danger to doing so. In other words, it tries to make evangelism sexy and appealing. It gives Christians a buzz, really, and manipulates them into thinking they’re cool and edgy outsiders when they’re not.

Christianity & Me

2005-10-13T14:14:00.000+02:00

I’m so proud of myself, and so irritated with myself all at the same time. I have an intensely ambivalent relationship with Christianity. There’s a *whole* lot of history to it, but on average I’m pretty happy with where I am with it. However, there are times when I do wish I could suppress the urge to insult Christians and Christianity… Anyway, here are some instances of this relationship.

I do volunteer work with a Christian non-profit organization. I didn’t know it was Christian when I joined (if I did, I probably would never have joined it). I’ve found it to be kinda open to others, although at times the focus on Christianity can get a little awkward for me. I was really proud of myself the other day, however. We had a training session, and afterwards everyone joined hands and sang a praise song, asking God (the Christian notion thereof) for help in doing the work, and giving Him the praise and glory for it. Well of course I violently disagreed with the song, but I still sang it, and I meant it in a way. I meant it because I respected the commitments of the people I work with, and I wanted them to enjoy the meaning they found in attaching their work to Christianity. I was pretty proud of myself, because the urge to roll my eyes had kicked in, but I chose not to and instead sang along and sent out positive vibes to the rest of the group. I need to do that more.

On the other hand, there was a recent incident of which I am not so proud. I ran into the pastor of a *cough*cult*cough* church that I used to attend at Spar. He asked me how I was doing, and on the surface was fairly pleasant. However, it was all pretence. What he was really doing was questioning me about my life, and then sitting in judgment on me. He was really trying to build himself up, by showing me how superior he is to me. He asked about my studies, and which church I attended, and other questions. He even asked some rather personal questions, which I felt were inappropriate, but I answered them because I didn’t want to be rude. However, I’m not going to let him play his little game with me next time I see him. I’ve come up with two strategies: 1) tell him that I feel his questions are inappropriate, or 2) question him in the same manner he questioned me. I’m not going to give my power away to this guy. Fuck that. If he wants to play with me, I’ll be ready.

It’s so funny because it’s blasphemous – Karen, Will & Grace

ATS Lyric Appreciation Part II

2005-10-13T14:12:00.000+02:00

I Wanted To Be Wrong

I’ve decided to go through my REM collection, and take chunks of my favourite lyrics and explain why they mean so much to me, and what I think they mean. I’d love to do each song, and all the lyrics, but they’re just too complex for that… Also, it’s really difficult to explain the songs and their significance without the music, so I’m not even going to attempt that. Anyway, I’m going to start with the latest REM album, Around The Sun (it’s the first time they’ve named an album after a track, which is pretty significant). My favourite tracks off the album are I Wanted To Be Wrong and Final Straw, but I also really like The Outsiders, High Speed Train, The Worst Joke Ever, Boy In The Well and Leaving New York. I’m going to start with I Wanted To Be Wrong. It’s a song about seeing through the mythology of America, the role America plays on the international stage, and the war in Iraq.

“you know where I come from
you know what I feel
you’re Yul Brenner Westworld
reporting from the field”

I like these lines because I like Yul Brenner. My aunt introduced me to him in the musical The King And I, which I’ve loved ever since. I think this lyric is about Michael (who is bald like Yul Brenner) attacking or subverting his audience. The incorrect use of the apostrophe is an REM thing. Apostrophes are frequently left out or used in the wrong place. It’s an in-joke. I haven’t seen the film Westworld, but in it Yul Brenner apparently plays a robot in an amusement park (and is therefore like Michael whose role is to amuse people) who goes on the rampage and starts attacking them. I think the song is therefore about Michael attacking his audience and their point of view. Trying to get them to see things differently. It was used on the Vote For Change Tour, after all! Anyway, I like it because Yul Brenner is cool, and I like the humble way Michael positions himself as belonging in an amusement park, being an entertainer….

“now I know that the sun has shined on my side of the street.
the basket of America, the weevils and the wheat.
the milk and honeyed congregation, scrubbed and apple checked
Salute Apollo 13 from the rattle jewelry seats.”

I think these lines are really great, because they acknowledge the privilege that America has experienced for many many years (which tends to get written about as being the result of hard work ala the Protestant Work Ethic) in comparison to the rest of the world. It acknowledges in a way that that privilege is not necessarily the product of hard work (American mythology), but rather of unequal power relations and the abuse thereof. I particularly like the acknowledgement of there being both weevils and wheat in the US. I also like the way the congregation of the US is compared to those in the bible who were “given” the Promised Land, the land of milk and honey. And getting it involved genocide…. The rattle jewelry seats is a reference to something John Lennon once said when performing for a large and wealthy audience. He told the people in the expensive seats to rattle their jewelry instead of applauding. I think it’s a brilliant quote, and love the way it’s used in this song to acknowledge American wealth and privilege.

“mythology’s seductive and it turned a trick on me
that I have just begun to understand”

These lyrics capture the essence of the song. They explain simply and clearly what it’s about, and I love them because they’re easy reference for me. When I hear something I think of as being propagandist or ideological, I remind myself of these lyrics.

So that’s the first of my REM Lyric Appreciation series. It’s about time I spent more time talking about REM on this REM fan blog!

ATS Lyric Appreciation Part I

2005-10-13T14:08:00.000+02:00

The Worst Joke Ever

Around The Sun (ATS), REM’s last album, turned one year old a couple of days ago. It’s been an album that has received much criticism. I was definitely one of the critics early on, but after listening to it 6-8 times I’m hearing its beauty. It’s got an aesthetic of its own, and it’s not one of those easily accessible ones. Unlike, say, Avril Lavigne, whose songs are fun straight away, but after the 5th listen you’re asking yourself why you’re still listening to this crap because you’ve already gotten every possible thing that you could get out of the song. Bands like REM and Radiohead and Nirvana are different (ok I love Alt Rock, it’s the best). Their songs improve on each listen, as you start to understand why particular choices were made, why certain parts of the song were sung the way they were, why there is contradiction within the song etc. That’s really why I like them. You can listen to them again and again, and years from first hearing a song, you can find a new way to understand it. It’s a really rich listening experience. The songs are still meaningful despite you being at a different phase in your life, despite all the different experiences you have had, despite knowing every lyric and note. I guess it’s about mysterie, and the importance of mysterie in sustaining interest and fascination. Anyway, ATS has a lot of really great lyrics on it. It also has some less great lyrics on it, but they have their own roles to play. One of my favourite lyrics is from a song called “The Worst Joke Ever”. It goes like this:

“the crime of good men who can’t wrestle with change,
or are too afraid to face this life’s misjudged unknowns
you’re not hurting anybody else’s chances,
but you’re disfiguring your own.”

That’s been really inspirational to me. I connect with it a lot right now. I guess it captures being in that place where you have to make a decision, and not knowing what the right decision is. And it’s a decision between changing things or just going on with how they are now. And the difficulty is that no matter which you choose, you never know with 100% accuracy what lies ahead of you in life. It is an unknown. There is no possible way for predicting it. But despite the inability to judge your options well, the worst possible decision you can make is to make no decision at all. It’s about sitting back apathetically and letting things just slide, instead of getting stuck in and involved even though you are aware that you cannot know the outcome in advance. I really understand this. I’m very comfortable where I am, but I know that staying here would be the worst possible decision I could make. It’s time to move on to the next thing, and to jump in with both feet and be prepared to deal with whatever consequences come my way. So thank you Michael Stipe for writing this lyric, because I truly get it, and it’s helpful to have it expressed so well. There are times when I’m not sure what the way forward is, and it just pops into my head, and I remind myself to make a choice and not just settle for what’s easiest or most comfortable.

A Good-looking Read

2005-10-13T14:06:00.000+02:00

On page 16, in the Books section of the Lifestyle section of the Sunday Times is an article about Zadie Smith and her book On Beauty. I skim read the article, and this quote caught my eye and I just had to share it: “What’s more, it read as if the author were a ‘script editor for The Simpsons who had briefly joined a religious cult and then discovered Foucault’”. That’s the Zadie Smith describing her book. I think it’s brilliant, because in that single deeply humour sentence she captures much of my life story. I have a dysfunctional family. I joined a religious cult for about two years. Then I became interested in psychology, and technically didn’t discover Foucault (as I’ve only read half of the first part of The History Of Sexuality) but did discover postmodernity and social constructionism. Isn’t it nice when your life can be summed up in the ironic joking of a Booker-nominated author? Also, I like the cover of the book. It has two kinds of elaborate, retro, clashing wallpapers on it, and I’m into elaborate and retro wallpaper at the moment. I blame it on Chris Bilheimer.

Also in the Sunday Times, in the Arts & Styles section of the New York Times there’s an article about shop dropping. Shop dropping is the reverse of shop lifting. An artist drops their merchandise in a shop. The article was about someone who bought clothes from Wal Mart, make copies, and then dropped the copies in the shop with the tags from the originals attached. Personally, I think Michael Stipe’s unnamed friend did it better. He made (makes?) a bunch of tee shirts that say “Bush Is Over” on the front, and then dropped them among the regular merchandise at Barneys and other swish New York stores. He’d then hide out and watch as people tried to buy them, and the clerks of course had no idea about them. A much better way of doing it, IMO, more amusing and far more salient as a political and social commentary. I’m not sure if they’re still available, but you could get the shirts from www.bushisover.com. I found out about it running a Google search for Michael Stipe and the Village Voice, a funky New York newspaper. Michael wore one of the shirts to some party, and the Village Voice reporter spotted him and took a picture.

iPod, Therefore I Am

2005-10-13T14:04:00.000+02:00

Stuck away on page 12 of the Lifestyle section of the Sunday Times there were two really interesting articles. I thought about retyping the articles, but it’s too much effort. I thought about searching for them on the Sunday Times website, but sadly the search engine got fucked sometime last year, and when I emailed them about it I got a rude reply so I refuse to surf in that general direction. Instead I fart in its general direction. But you can, if you really want to. It’s good reading.

The first was entitled “I am a jukebox”, and is an extract from the book “iPod, Therefore I Am” by Dylan Jones. It’s an account of how music, and the way we think about and access music has fundamentally changed. Ok, people will argue with me on that one, but I think the iPod has changed music forever. It’s not going to be the same again. I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing or a good thing, but I guess like most things (and my philosophy of life tells me this) it’s hardly ever black and white, it’s another shade of vibrant or pastel technicolour. Anyway, I’m pretty fascinated with the whole iPod phenomenon although sadly I don’t own one (*hint* *hint*, anyone out there wanna give me one? Didn’t think so. Oh well, at least I tried). Back to the article. Or more correctly, back to the book title. I love the title of this book. It’s a play on Descartes world-shaping “I think therefore I am”, which sadly and surprisingly enough people still seem to think holds some kind of deep meaning and truth. I disagree, therefore I am amused. Also, if you’re into the field of cyberpsychology (like I am), it’s quite funny as Donna Haraway (or somebody else who I can’t remember in Ian Parker and Angel J. Gordo-Lopez’s brilliant masterpiece of an edited collection – aka a book – Cyberpsychology commenting on Donna Haraway’s work) writes about the possibilities created by a cyborg ontology. She (or “they”, whoever “they” may be) conceptualizes the cyborg as ontology, as being a fluid and changing ontology. It’s quite strange and really quite fun to think this way. So the title of the book is pretty amusing from the vantage point of a critical cyberpsychologist. It’s also amusing because it’s irreverent, and as Karen Walker stated in a recent episode of Will & Grace, “It’s so funny because it’s blasphemous”. It’s also a play on the “I” as “iPod”, which once again seen from the critical cyberpsychological view is pretty darn truthful.

The other article on page 12 is called “Quiet Reflection”, and talks about the dangers of being constantly connected to cellphones, mp3 players, organizers etc. It suggests that being plugged into these things (becoming a cyborg, in critical cyberpsych terminology – oh god, “terminology”, “terminal”, I slay me, who knew that typos could be this good? And creative?) leaves no time for quiet contemplation, daydreaming and fantasy. Which I think is complete junk, because I spend most of my time online in quiet (or vitriolic) contemplation on my blog, and frequently indulge in fantasy and daydreaming with others in the REM fan forums I am a part of. I even threatened to get Peter Buck to throw yoghurt at someone who irritated me. Not that I’ve ever met Peter Buck, nor am I ever likely to. And a quick poke around the net easily indicates that it is inhabited largely by the stuff of fantasy (and porn)… The article ends with the sentences “Indeed, when was the last time you heard someone whistling sweetly on the street? People are so plugged into electronic sources that they have forgotten to make music for themselves”. Again I think this is junk. Firstly, because I am more likely to whistle or sing along to something that to nothing at all, and secondly because I’m convinced that most “musicians” these days compose their songs by going jogging while listening to those old portable CD players that didn’t have anti-shock technology. It’s the sure answer for why so much current music is based on samples…

P.S. You can’t get the Ian Parker book out of the Fort Hell library. I still have it. I’ve had it all year. I’m seriously considering not returning it. Ever. I think I’m the only person who appreciates its beauty. It needs to be with someone who loves it. Really.

Green Day

2005-09-29T14:55:00.000+02:00

I’ve been listening to Green Day’s American Idiot. It’s damn good. I got it quite a while ago, but today was my first real listen to it. I was hijacked by the beauty of REM, but in the process of loving REM I’ve been learning to love music more in general. Interviews with Michael Stipe have kind of become my favourite source of music info though – if he recommends a band or an album, I’m keen to listen to it. And so far, there hasn’t been one of his picks that I haven’t liked. He’s said that he really likes American Idiot (in an interview which I’m sure he prepared a particular line for). For a while, REM and Green Day toured together, playing the same festivals.

Anyway, back to American Idiot. There’s plenty there to provide me with mental stimulation for many more listens, so I’m pretty happy. I haven’t got it all figured out yet, but I really love the way they’ve had the guts to connect Christian fundamentalism with American foreign policy. The way George Dubya has been able to tap into the prejudices of the bible belt and manipulate the believers there in the same way that many of the preachers do disgusts me. And the preachers have latched onto Dubya in a similar way, using his politics and fear-mongering to their advantage. It makes me sick. A typical example, for me, is the way that Dubya won votes for his anti-abortion stance, and has used being “pro-life” (ha fucking ha, what a sick joke) to cut funding to clinics in Africa who perform abortions as well as providing a wide range of other services. So people in Africa die due to the lack of medical services, because Dubya and the US are “pro-life”. What a sick fucking joke. It’s really just an excuse not to spend money on the rest of the world, and accumulate wealth by exploiting others. I guess it’s the classic American policy though, exploiting slaves to get ahead right from the beginning. Wow, that was an unexpected rant. I guess there’s so much injustice in the world that you sometimes forget about how angry it makes you, and learn to live with it and try to ignore it. I mean, I’d love to change it, but let’s face it, the biggest lie of all democracies is the idea that one person’s voice or opinion count for anything. They don’t. It’s just a lie to make us docile and accepting of all the abuse we face from our governments. But what do you do about it????????

The track “Jesus of Suburbia” is brilliant, particularly for the way they’ve used a variety of musical styles to express different points, and have contrasted the lyrics with the music. I think they may have been learning from REM ;) Or maybe they just figured it out for themselves, but hey, I’m a totally biased REM fan and proud of it.

I’m pretty glad that Green Day won a bunch of MTV awards for the Boulevard of Broken Dreams music video. Sadly, I haven’t seen the whole of the video, so I don’t know if it is explicitly political. I really hope it is, because MTV really needs to get more political and engage with the wider world, IMHO. MTV atm is a sordid, incestuous, monstrously ideological web of, erm, bad stuff. The Wake Me Up When September Ends is brilliant. Totally digging it!

I Hate Studying

2005-09-29T14:52:00.000+02:00

I’ve really hated a lot of this year, and I’ve been trying to figure out why. I realized that it’s because I hate studying. Not learning, not reading, but being forced to sit and read for hours on end. It’s fucking tedious. I feel like I’ve spent this year sitting on my bed, or on the rocking chair in the lounge reading. And when, by some miracle you’ve finished all the reading (or more likely, you’ve decided that the last one can’t be all that important), you then get to sit for hours and hours on end in front of the computer. And what do you do in front of the computer? You write essays. I figured out that I’ve written at least 12 essays this year, each between 8 and 12 pages long. And the worst part is that some of the topics have been really repetitive. I mean, I just don’t have any more to say on HIV/AIDS. Really I don’t. I have nothing new, insightful or even vaguely interesting to contribute on that topic. I’ve probably written about 7 essays (of varying length) on the topic during my varsity career. How boring *yawns*

I miss doing stuff. I miss making stuff. I miss experimenting with weird foods. I miss knitting scarves. I miss going to movies. I miss having coffee with friends. I miss have a routine. I miss the sense of accomplishment I feel at the end of a working day, when I look back and see all that I’ve done. I miss having regular times to wake up. I miss having money. I miss having fun. I miss having a social life. I want a job, dammit!

This year has been frustrating in many ways. The biggest is that I’ve met the coolest bunch of people, but have absolutely no time to hang out with them and get to know them.

REM Moments

2005-09-29T14:51:00.001+02:00

I have these REM moments in life. They’re times when something just reminds me of REM, and that makes me smile. Here are some of them:

I was watching the A1 Grand Prix, and they were interviewing the South African driver (who looks terrifyingly young). Anyway, the drivers were in London. And behind this guy (Stephen somebody or other) and an REM taxi drove by in the background! At first I didn’t recognize it, and just thought that it looked familiar, but after a bit more thought I realized it was a REM taxi. I got really excited, cos I totally was not expecting an REM reference that day, but it made me smile and I was really glad that I had watched that interview.

Another REM moment happened for a period of time. The townhouse complex in which I live has beautiful gardens. As I drive into it, I noticed that one of the flowers that I see as I enter is the flower that is in the Beat A Drum photograph. When REM released Reveal, their second album without drummer Bill Berry, they promoted it by sending postcards to their fanclub. They had a postcard that represented each song, but each fan only got one. Well, I wasn’t a REM fanclub member in those days, but I did find pictures of all the postcards on Retroweb, and I had downloaded them. Anyway, I recognized the flower as being the Beat A Drum flower, and it makes me smile when I look at it as I drive into my home. It reminds me of Reveal, which has a summery, happy feel about it. It makes me feel good as I arrive home :)

6 teen

2005-09-29T14:51:00.000+02:00

I have a new favourite cartoon. It’s called 6 teen, and is on SABC 1 on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 3pm. It’s about 6 teenagers, who are all sixteen, and get jobs at the mall. There are three girls and three guys. The girls are: Jen, the sporty one who works at Penalty Box selling sporting equipment, Caitlin, the brainless fashion slave who works at the lemonade stand and frequently has to wear a lemon on her head, and Nikki, the one with the piercings, combat pants and a straight A aggregate, who works at the Khaki Barn with The Clones (PBC’s). My favourite is Nikki – she has the most awesome two-tone purple hair. I think she’s supposed to be Chinese. The guys are: Jonesy, who seems to get a new job and get fired every episode and who totally digs Nikki, Wyatt, the sensitive black musician who works at the record store, and Jude, the brainless, blonde, funny skater dude who works at Stick It (kebab store). My favourite guy is Jude – partly because in a recent episode he got addicted to The Simu’s (The Sims) and created copies of all his friends and the mall they work in and spent hours on end playing it. The gang had to stage an intervention to break his habit :) I totally relate. Jude also says stuff like “dude”, “totally”, “like”, and “later” a lot. Anyway, the gang deal with various relationships, friendships, work issues and parents as they go through their days. It’s made in Canada, so the references to famous people are all to Canadians, like Avril Lavigne, Alanis, Celine Dion etc.

Some of my favourite lines from the last 6 teen episode

Jude: Dude!
Jonesy: Jude!

Jude: Dude, you’re like, totally harshing on my mellow

Thoughts on Survivor and Darwin

2005-09-29T14:50:00.000+02:00

I am a reality TV junkie. I love reality TV. I watch The Apprentice, Survivor, The Amazing Race, The Block, The Restaurant, Jamie’s Kitchen, The Simple Life, The Real World, Eco Challenge etc. Anyway, I was watching the second episode of Survivor: Palau last night, and some thoughts occurred to me…

Survivor disproves Darwin, in a way. Darwinian evolution holds that those fittest for a particular environment will survive, and those not fit for the environment will die off. However, in Survivor, it is extremely rare that the tribe’s “food providers” last. At least, not since Richard Hatch, but that was Survivor One, and nobody knew what they were doing back then. A more recent example is that of Rupert. He became the tribe provider, on the understanding that he wouldn’t be voted off if he got fish for the tribe. Well that didn’t work. Both times around!

I think it’s probably because the “environment” which survivors most need to survive is the social one, rather than simply the lack of food and shelter. The food and shelter *follows* the social relationships which people have, not the other way around. For example, food is distributed equitably, not because everybody earned it equally, but rather because no-one wants to be seen taking more, because this will threaten their position on the team.

This can be backed up by taking Survivor Allstars as an example. A reward challenge included winning chicken wings, and those who won them snuck some back for their friends. The group happily shared them, and lied to the rest of the tribe (the minority voters) about their existence. When they knew that they could trust each other with the secret of the unequal food distribution, and exclude those they felt were unworthy (who, ironically, missed out on the wings because they were catching fish), they did. The food becomes a symbol of the social relations, the meanings thereof, and the power relations which existed. It wasn’t about co-operating to feed the whole tribe to achieve what was best for the tribe at all. It wasn’t about who could actually catch the fish at all.

What I Merely Represent To You Part II

2005-09-29T14:45:00.000+02:00

So, I said that I didn’t want to be adored for what I merely represented. But the question remains, what is there besides what I merely represent? Am I not the sum total of multiple representations, of myself, by myself and other people? Perhaps I do want to be adored for what I merely represent then, after all….

StarMeKitten69

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